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You Might Be A Nurse Midwife If ..., Labor Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/midwife
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You Might Be A Nurse Midwife If . . . .
If you use more super glue on women's bottoms than your broken china.......you might be a midwife
If you've ever crocheted with an amni hook.......you might be a midwife
If you carry more tanks in you car than a Jacque Cousteau documentary.......you might be a midwife
If you hear "doppler" radar on the Weather Channel and your ears perk up.......you might be a midwife
If you've recommended Castor Oil more times that the local Quick Lube.......you might be a midwife
If your idea of "seeing the head coming" doesn't refer to your beer.......you might be a midwife
If it takes a hour to get dressed to go out yet 45 seconds to get dressed in the middle of the night.......you might be a midwife
If you talk about seeing the "crown" and you weren't at Buckingham Palace.......you might be a midwife
If you've had your picture taken so many times with babies you should be running for office.......you might be a midwife
If there are more ways to reach you than the local fire department.......you might be a midwife
If you can actually name more than three African drum bands.......you might be a midwife
If you know that "post partum" doesn't mean your fence is coming apart.......you might be a midwife
If you've ever been called by a neighbor with a farm animal in labor.......you might be a midwife
If the color of you car is unrecognizable because of all the bumperstickers.......you might be a midwife
If you refuse to sell you junky run down car because you'll lose your bumperstickers.......you might be a midwife
If you think c-section should only be the cheap seats at a ballgame.......you might be a midwife
If you know that a fetoscope does not measure shoe size.......you might be a midwife
If the 36,000 mile/3 year warranty on your brand new car actually means less than one year.......you might be a midwife
If your tires are going bald faster than your husband.......you might be a midwife
If you think the only use for forceps is as salad tongs.......you might be a midwife
If you've made more great catches than Chipper Jones.......you might be a midwife
If you know that a lie is not where your golf ball lands.......you might be a midwife
If you think that a "tail back" is a new kind of birthing position.......you might be a midwife
If you know a cesarean is not a salad.......you might be a midwife
If your idea of a vacation is taking a car ride outside your beeper range........you might be a midwife
If you know that a pinard horn is not a musical instrument.......you might be a midwife
If you think the only way to measure centimeters is by spreading your fingers.......you might be a midwife
If you get more calls from ladies with broken water than the local plumber.......you might be a midwife
If you've ever ran out of gas and used a breast pump and catheter as a siphon.......you might be a midwife
If you've ever used cord clamps as hair curlers........you might be a midwife
If you've ever used a speculum to put on a tight pair of shoes.......you might be a midwife
If you can eat cherry jello while watching a birth film........you might be a midwife
If you talk about yeast infections like they're dairy products........you might be a midwife
If you've ever put on a latex glove to remove the stuffing from a turkey.......you might be a midwife
If you have more hemostats in you glove box than a Grateful Dead fan.......you might be a midwife
If you think Deliverance is a childbirth movie........you might be a midwife
If you refer to your beeper as "my home phone".........you might be a midwife
If you discuss adhesions with your family at the dinner table........you might be a midwife
If you know that perineal support is not a kind of stocking.......you might be a midwife
If you consider a pair of black Birkenstocks "formal wear".......you might be a midwife
If your realize that "breeches" are not a southern man's trousers........you might be a midwife
If you know that ultrasound is not a fancy stereo........you might be a midwife
If you've ever stopped on your way to a birth and someone has looked in your car and asked "Are you Moving?"........you might be a midwife
If you've ever gotten out of a speeding ticket by actually showing the state trooper a placenta........you might be a midwife
If you thought the movie "Catch-22" was a story about a month in a very busy midwife's life........you might be a midwife
If your idea of a color coordinated birthing outfit is matching the blood stains on your sweat shirt with the blood stains on your sweat pants........you might be a midwife
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Five Minutes
A hospital posted a notice in the nurse's lounge saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too."
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Stern Sibling, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Sibling Humor:"An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her five-year-old child."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/stern
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Quick Pregnancy and Birth - F.A.Q. - (PART 2), Labor & Delivery Jokes:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/faq
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Pregnancy and Birth - F.A.Q. - (PART 1), Labor & Delivery Jokes:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/birth
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Sum Ting Wong, Pregnancy Jokes, Labor & Delivery Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/wong
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My Baby Has A First Name, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/name
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Bringing Home A Second Wife, Marriage Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/second
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Expecting Twins, Blonde Jokes, Pregnancy Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/twins
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Pregnancy Dictionary, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Obstetrics Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/dictionary
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A Grandmother's Insomnia, Doctor's Jokes, Pregnancy & Medications Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/insomnia
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You're Not Sterile! Labor & Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/sterile
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How Much Will It Hurt, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Obstetrics & Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/hurt
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Baby Names, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Obstetrics Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/baby
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Sharing The Pain of Childbirth, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/sharing
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Four Expectant Fathers, Pregnancy Jokes, Labor & Delivery, Obstetrics Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/fathers
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If Men Got Pregnant, Battle Of The Sexes Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/pregnant
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Top Ten Fatal Things to say when your wife is pregnant, Labor & Delivery Jokes
http://www.nursinghumor.com/fatal
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Lamaze Class:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/lamaze
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It Can't Be Mine! Labor & Delivery Jokes, Paternity Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/mine
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Breastfeeding Technical Support, Medical Jokes, Obstetrics Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/breastfeeding
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Breastfeeding Humor and Nursing Tales:
http://www.breastfeeding.com/lighter.html
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Extremely Discreet Nursing:
http://www.breastfeeding.com/lighter_side/lighter_side_stories_discreet.html
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Top 5 List of Things NOT To Say To Your Pregnant Wife After Her Ultrasound:
http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/93q3/ultrasound.html
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It Ain't All Playing Golf . . .
http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/89q1/scis.170.html
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See also: Cocaine, Substance Abuse & Drug Addiction Links, Infertility, Contraception & Fertilization, Labor and Delivery, Obstetrics Jokes, Humor Links, Labor-Delivery-Obstetric Nursing, Miscarriages, Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) Nurses, Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) Management Nursing Jobs, Obstetric Nurses, Obstetrics Staff Nursing Jobs, Pregnancy Nurse Entrepreneurs, Premature Infants, Low Birth Weight Babies
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Andrew Lopez, RN
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