Showing posts with label Pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pregnancy. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Having Your First, Second, Third Child, Parenting Jokes, Motherhood Humor, 4Nursing.com, Nursing & Healthcare Resources

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Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

Your Clothes


1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

The Baby's Name

1st baby: You pour over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.

Preparing for the Birth

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette

1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Sleeping

1st baby: Sleeps in your bedroom for the first six - eight weeks
2nd baby: Sleeps in your bedroom for the first two weeks
3rd baby: Goes right from the hospital nursery into their own room

Baby Book

1st baby: You religiously make entries every day, carefully noting the number of spit-ups and bowel movements for the first year
2nd baby: You enter a few facts each week but stop after 6 months
3rd baby: You buy the book but enter the child's name, birth weight, and length on the first page

Diapering

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing a coin

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When 2nd child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for coin to pass.
3rd child: When 3rd child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!

Pass this on to everyone you know who has children...or everyone who KNOWS someone who has had children... (the older the mother, the funnier this is!)

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Where Did It Go? Parenting Jokes, Children's Humor:
http://www.4nursing.com/humor-parents-parenting-children-where-did-it-go.html

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Top Ten Signs That You Might Be A Frustrated Mom:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/frustrated

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Just Like Mom, Parenting Jokes, Relationship Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.about.children.the.patient.mother.htm

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The Patient Mother, Parenting Jokes, Kids Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.about.children.the.patient.mother.htm

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Special Occasions, Parenting Jokes, Children's Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.about.children.special.occasions.htm

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Coming Prepared, Pharmacist Jokes, Parenting Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/prepared

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Answers To Fifth Grade Science Exams, Children's Jokes, Parenting Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/answers

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Little Johnny Does Math, Childrens Jokes, Parenting Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parents.parenting.jokes.about.children.kids.little.johnny.does.math.htm

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A Grandmother's Insomnia, Doctor's Jokes, Pregnancy & Medications Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/insomnia

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The Adopted, Parenting Jokes, Adoption Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/adopted

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Generation Gap, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Parenting Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.generation.gap.htm

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Mom's Dictionary, Kids Jokes, Parenting Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.moms.dictionary.htm

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Property Laws According To Kids, Childrens Jokes, Parenting Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.childrens.jokes.property.laws.according.to.kids.htm

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Things My Mother Taught Me, Parenting Jokes, Motherhood Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.things.my.mother.taught.me.htm

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You Might Be A Mom If . . ., Parenting Jokes, Motherhood Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/mom

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See also:

via 4nursing.com

Click on the "via" link for the rest of the article.

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Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

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Thursday, April 21, 2011

Popular birth control pills may boost clot risk (Yasmin, Yaz-Drospirenone )- Health - CBC News

Two of the most popular birth control pills available in Canada — Yasmin and Yaz — carry a higher risk of serious blood clots than some other oral contraceptives, two new studies say.

The studies — both published Thursday in the online edition of the British Medical Journal — show that pills containing a new type of progestogen hormone called drospirenone carry up to triple the risk of serious blood clots (known as venous thromboembolisms) over an older generation of pills containing a hormone called levonorgestrel.

Drospirenone is the key ingredient in Yasmin and Yaz, which are manufactured by Bayer and widely prescribed in Canada.

Drospirenone-based pills like Yasmin and Yaz had worldwide sales of $2 billion US in 2009, reports indicate.

via cbc.ca

Click on the "via" link to read the full article.

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Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

150,000 + Nurse-Reviewed & Approved Nursing Links

http://www.4nursing.com
http://www.legalnursingconsultant.com
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Thursday, April 7, 2011

Vital Signs: Teen Pregnancy --- United States, 1991--2009

Background: In 2009, approximately 410,000 teens aged 15--19 years gave birth in the United States, and the teen birth rate remains higher than in other developed countries.

Methods: To describe U.S. trends in teen births and related factors, CDC used data on 1) teen birth rates during 1991--2009 from the National Vital Statistics System, 2) sexual intercourse and contraceptive use among high school students during 1991--2009 from the national Youth Risk Behavior Survey, and 3) sex education, parent communication, use of long-acting reversible contraceptives (LARCs), and receipt of reproductive health services among teens aged 15--19 years from the 2006--2008 National Survey of Family Growth.

Results: In 2009, the national teen birth rate was 39.1 births per 1,000 females, a 37% decrease from 61.8 births per 1,000 females in 1991 and the lowest rate ever recorded. State-specific teen birth rates varied from 16.4 to 64.2 births per 1,000 females and were highest among southern states. Birth rates for black and Hispanic teens were 59.0 and 70.1 births per 1,000 females, respectively, compared with 25.6 for white teens. From 1991 to 2009, the percentage of high school students who ever had sexual intercourse decreased from 54% to 46%, and the percentage of students who had sexual intercourse in the past 3 months but did not use any method of contraception at last sexual intercourse decreased from 16% to 12%. From 1999 to 2009, the percentage of students who had sexual intercourse in the past 3 months and used dual methods at last sexual intercourse (condoms with either birth control pills or the injectable contraceptive Depo-Provera) increased from 5% to 9%. During 2006--2008, 65% of female teens and 53% of male teens received formal sex education that covered saying no to sex and provided information on methods of birth control. Overall, 44% of female teens and 27% of male teens had spoken with their parents about both topics, but among teens who had ever had sexual intercourse, 20% of females and 31% of males had not spoken with their parents about either topic. Only 2% of females who had sexual intercourse in the past 3 months used LARCs at last sexual intercourse.

via cdc.gov

Click on the "via" link for the full article.

See also http://www.nursefriendly.com/pregnancy

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Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

150,000 + Nurse-Reviewed & Approved Nursing Links

http://www.4nursing.com
http://www.legalnursingconsultant.com
http://www.nursinghumor.com
http://www.nursefriendly.com
http://www.nursingcasestudy.com
http://www.nursingentrepreneurs.com
http://www.nursingexperts.com

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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Why Families Need Health Care Reform Now More Than Ever « MomsRising Blog

We, as a global community, could and should be doing more if we value our women. The majority of the global burden of maternal deaths occurs in the developing world. In fact, 66% occur in just 11 countries. While this statistic is an unjust reality, it may not be all that surprising. What did rattle me was the fact that the United States was ranked behind 40 other countries with regard to maternal care, leaving us in 41st place.

As recently as last year, this number has dropped again. According to new UN data released late last year, we now find ourselves behind 49 other countries, positioning ourselves in 50th place when it comes to a woman’s risk of dying from complications during pregnancy and childbirth.

I don’t know about you, but I find this news deplorable. The US spends more on healthcare per capita than any other country in the world and yet we are 50th in assuring women and children safer outcomes. If anything, I hope this information makes you pause, think and ask the same question I asked myself; how is this possible?

Today marks the first anniversary of Health Care Reform. Since the Patient Protection and Affordable Healthcare Act went into effect last year, now seems like as good an opportunity as any to take account of what was accomplished and what still remains precariously unsteady for those who might need care the most.

via momsrising.org

Click on the "via" link for the rest of the article.

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Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

150,000 + Nurse-Reviewed & Approved Nursing Links

http://www.4nursing.com
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http://www.nursinghumor.com
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http://www.nursingentrepreneurs.com
http://www.nursingexperts.com

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Thursday, March 10, 2011

Fewer refills of the Pill, fewer pregnancies - Health - Pregnancy - msnbc.com

Letting women have a year's supply of birth control pills might help prevent more unwanted pregnancies, a new study suggests.

Right now, private and public insurance plans in the U.S. generally limit how many months' worth of birth control pills can be prescribed at once.

But researchers found that lower-income California women who got a year's supply of the Pill had fewer unplanned pregnancies than women who got only enough packages for one or three months at a time.

For every 1,000 women who participated in the study, 10 in the longer-supply group became pregnant within a year, compared to 30 of those who could only get prescriptions for shorter supplies.

via msnbc.msn.com

Click on the "via" link to read the rest of the article.

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Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

150,000 + Nurse-Reviewed & Approved Nursing Links

http://www.4nursing.com
http://www.legalnursingconsultant.com
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Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Golden Gate Community Health - Golden Gate Community Health

Planned Parenthood Golden Gate is now Golden Gate Community Health!
As we continue on under a new name we will still serve the community with the same high quality health care we have been for almost 90 years. We will work diligently to make sure you get the care you deserve. Thank you for your continued loyalty. Learn More . . .
via ggch.org

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Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

150,000 + Nurse-Reviewed & Approved Nursing Links

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Monday, November 22, 2010

Nurse-Family Partnership Celebrates 10 Years - WGHP

Nearly 500 first-time mothers can thank a Guilford County program for getting them on their feet.

The Nurse-Family Partnership program celebrated its 10th anniversary Wednesday. The program partners a low-income, first-time mother with a nurse. The nurses visit the mothers, educating them on how to improve their child's well-being, as well as how to become more economically self-sufficient.

"I was just uneasy about being a single mom. I wanted to be perfect, but there is no such thing as a perfect parent. This program has helped me work toward perfection with my son and myself," new mom Jameya Turner said.

The partnership lends support from pregnancy all the way until the child's second birthday.

via myfox8.com

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Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

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Tuesday, October 5, 2010

If Men Got Pregnant, Battle Of The Sexes Jokes, Pregnancy Humor

If Men Got Pregnant, Battle Of The Sexes Jokes, Pregnancy Humor:"1. Maternity leave would last two years.. with full pay. 2. There would be a cure for stretch marks."
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/battle_of_the_sexes/if.men.got.pregnant.htm

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An Apple A Day, Marriage Jokes, Health & Wellness Humor, Heallthy Living Cartoons, Wellness Comics
http://www.nursinghumor.com/apple/

Categories: Battle of the Sexes, http://www.nursinghumor.com/battle/
Cartoons and Comics (Nursing & Medical)http://www.nursinghumor.com/cartoons/
Divorce Jokes, Ending A Marriage Humor, http://www.nursinghumor.com/divorce
Geriatrics, Senior Citizen, Nursing Home Humor, http://www.nursinghumor.com/geriatrics
Growing Old Jokes, http://www.nursinghumor.com/growing/
Marriage, Matrimony, Wedding, http://www.nursinghumor.com/marriage

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Are You The Manager? Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Bartender Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/manager

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A Woman's Random Thoughts, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Getting Older Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/random

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Before And After Love, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor:"BEFORE - You take my breath away AFTER - I feel like I'm suffocating."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/before

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Brand New Hat, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Geriatrics Humor:"There was a little old lady standing at a corner. She had both hands holding her hat on while the wind blew her dress up around her waist."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/hat

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Creation of Man, Adam & Eve Jokes, Battle of The Sexes Humor:"Eve was talking with God in the Garden of Eden, and she said, "God I have a problem. It's a beautiful garden, but I'm lonely and I'm sick of eating apples." "Okay. I'll create a man for you.""
http://www.nursinghumor.com/creation

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Definitely Warm, Battle of The Sexes Jokes & Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/warm

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Dressing Up, On The Job Jokes, Battle of The Sexes Humor:"There was this rich woman who lives in a large mansion. One day she comes upon the butler and says "butler take off my blouse"
http://www.nursinghumor.com/dressing

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Exam Professionalism, Medical Jokes, Doctor's Humor:"A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/exam

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Feed Him Toast, Pediatrics Jokes, Marriage Humor:"A husband and wife noticed that their little boy's penis was a little too small so they took him to the doctor."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/feed

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Feel Like A Woman, Marriage Jokes, Parenting Humor:"A passenger plane on a cross-country trip runs into a terrible storm. The plane gets pounded by rain, hail, wind and lightning. The passengers are screaming. They are sure the plane is going to crash and that they are all going to die."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/feel

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Feeling Exhausted, Medical Jokes, Patient Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/exhausted

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New Secretary, Doctor's Jokes, Battle of The Sexes Humor:"Dr. Johnson got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and very polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/secretary

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Pay Raise, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Employment Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/raise

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Rules That Guys Wish Women Knew, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/rules

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Ultimate Fantasy! Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/fantasy

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Useless Boob, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relgious Humor:"And God created woman and she had three breasts. He then asked the woman, "Is there anything you'd like to have changed?"
http://www.nursinghumor.com/useless

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Dogs Vs Men, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor:
http://nursinghumor.com/dogs

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Home Repairs, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/repairs

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Why Cats Are Better Than Men, Battles of The Sexes Jokes, Cat-Pet Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/better

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25 Year Old Breasts, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/25

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Top Ten Reasons Why God Created Eve, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Top Ten Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/eve

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17 Ways To Be A WOMAN.... From A Somewhat Bitter Man, Battle of The Sexes:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/17

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The Perfect Man, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/perfect

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Name Calling, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/calling

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A Real Lady, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Infidelity Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/lady

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A Woman Thirty Years Younger, Marriage Jokes, Battle of the Sexes Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/younger

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Mating Bulls, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/bulls

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Five Kinds of Sex, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/five

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Men Are Like . . ., Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/like

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Men vs. Women, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor:"While eating out and the bill arrives, the guys will each throw in $20 even though the bill is only $22.50. None will have anything smaller, and none will admit they want change back.
When girls get the bill out come the calculators."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/women

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Following Orders, Battle of the Sexes Jokes, Gallows Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/following

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Top Fourteen Things PMS Stands For, Top Ten Jokes, Battle of The Sexes Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/pms

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The Escapee, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/escapee

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Why Pumpkins Are Better Than Men, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/pumpkins

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The Blind Date, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Geriatrics Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/blind

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The New Girlfriend, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/girlfriend

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The Pro's of Womanhood, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor:"We got off the Titanic first. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous - guys look like complete idiots in ours."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/womanhood

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If You Love It, Set It Free, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/free

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A Divorced Woman's Perfect Breakfast, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Divorce Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/breakfast

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How To Impress, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/impress

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Great Female Comebacks, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/comebacks

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His and Her Road Trip, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/battle/

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Generation Gap, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Parenting Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/gap

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And You Wonder "Why" It Didn't Last, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Divorce Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/wonder

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Because I’m A Guy, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/because

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The Gentleman On The Bus, Battle of The Sexes Jokes & Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/gentleman

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If Men Got Pregnant, Battle Of The Sexes Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/if

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A Man, His Wife, and The Cop, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/cop

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If Men Wrote The Rules, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/wrote

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What Women Know About Men, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/know

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All Wives Are Alike, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/alike

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A Woman Thirty Years Younger, Marriage Jokes, Battle of the Sexes Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/younger

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Radar, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/radar

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Definitely Warm, Battle of the Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/warm

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Suspicions, Battle of the Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/suspicions

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I Just Want You To Hold Me Tonight
http://www.nursinghumor.com/me

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A Dictionary of Dating
http://www.nursinghumor.com/dating

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Translating Men, What They Say & What They Really Mean:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/translating

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I am glad I am a man, I am glad I am a woman:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/glad

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Male Bashing:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/bashing

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Two Gifts For Adam & Eve, Battle of The Sexes, Nursing & Medical Jokes & Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/gifts

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Who Brews? Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor:"A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/brews

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Why Men Can't Win
http://www.nursinghumor.com/win

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Why We Appreciate Men, A Woman's Perspective http://www.nursinghumor.com/appreciate

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Viagra Funnies
http://www.nursinghumor.com/drugs.medications/viagra.jokes.humor.htm

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Bachelorette Party Fun:"Bachelorette Party Fun is your number one source for planning a bachelorette party or sorority party. Our free articles will help you plan every aspect including bachelorette party ideas, games, party favors, drinks and food for your bachelorette party or sorority party. From party supplies to the party favors, we'll help make your bachelorette party a very memorable one."
I-VOLUTION, INC.
9420 Reseda Boulevard Suite 510 Northridge, CA 91324
Bachelorette@bachelorettepartyfun.com, 818-718-1104 or Fax us at 818-993-8358.
http://www.bachelorettepartyfun.com/

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Viagra Jokes:
http://www.net2business.com/humor/viagra.html

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Follow us on:
Facebook: http://www.nursefriendly.com/facebook

Nursing Entrepreneurs, Nurses In Business, http://nursingentrepreneurs.ning.com/

Twitter! http://www.nursefriendly.com/twitter

StumbleUpon, http://www.nursefriendly.com/stumbleupon

Nursing Torrents, Nurse Content, Resources, File Sharing Networks, Peer To Peer (P2P)

http://www.4nursing.com/torrents

Articles:

More about Andrew, Nursefriendly.com and our favorite sites:
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Sunday, April 26, 2009

You Might Be A Nurse Midwife If .., Labor Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Humor

To subscribe send a blank email to: nursingjokes-subscribe@topica.com

Did you know, you can download all our jokes? Visit http://www.nursinghumor.com/archive

Follow us on Twitter! http://twitter.com/nursefriendly

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You Might Be A Nurse Midwife If ..., Labor Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/midwife
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You Might Be A Nurse Midwife If . . . .

If you use more super glue on women's bottoms than your broken china.......you might be a midwife

If you've ever crocheted with an amni hook.......you might be a midwife

If you carry more tanks in you car than a Jacque Cousteau documentary.......you might be a midwife

If you hear "doppler" radar on the Weather Channel and your ears perk up.......you might be a midwife

If you've recommended Castor Oil more times that the local Quick Lube.......you might be a midwife

If your idea of "seeing the head coming" doesn't refer to your beer.......you might be a midwife

If it takes a hour to get dressed to go out yet 45 seconds to get dressed in the middle of the night.......you might be a midwife

If you talk about seeing the "crown" and you weren't at Buckingham Palace.......you might be a midwife

If you've had your picture taken so many times with babies you should be running for office.......you might be a midwife

If there are more ways to reach you than the local fire department.......you might be a midwife

If you can actually name more than three African drum bands.......you might be a midwife

If you know that "post partum" doesn't mean your fence is coming apart.......you might be a midwife

If you've ever been called by a neighbor with a farm animal in labor.......you might be a midwife

If the color of you car is unrecognizable because of all the bumperstickers.......you might be a midwife

If you refuse to sell you junky run down car because you'll lose your bumperstickers.......you might be a midwife

If you think c-section should only be the cheap seats at a ballgame.......you might be a midwife


If you know that a fetoscope does not measure shoe size.......you might be a midwife


If the 36,000 mile/3 year warranty on your brand new car actually means less than one year.......you might be a midwife


If your tires are going bald faster than your husband.......you might be a midwife


If you think the only use for forceps is as salad tongs.......you might be a midwife


If you've made more great catches than Chipper Jones.......you might be a midwife


If you know that a lie is not where your golf ball lands.......you might be a midwife


If you think that a "tail back" is a new kind of birthing position.......you might be a midwife


If you know a cesarean is not a salad.......you might be a midwife


If your idea of a vacation is taking a car ride outside your beeper range........you might be a midwife


If you know that a pinard horn is not a musical instrument.......you might be a midwife


If you think the only way to measure centimeters is by spreading your fingers.......you might be a midwife


If you get more calls from ladies with broken water than the local plumber.......you might be a midwife


If you've ever ran out of gas and used a breast pump and catheter as a siphon.......you might be a midwife


If you've ever used cord clamps as hair curlers........you might be a midwife


If you've ever used a speculum to put on a tight pair of shoes.......you might be a midwife


If you can eat cherry jello while watching a birth film........you might be a midwife


If you talk about yeast infections like they're dairy products........you might be a midwife


If you've ever put on a latex glove to remove the stuffing from a turkey.......you might be a midwife


If you have more hemostats in you glove box than a Grateful Dead fan.......you might be a midwife


If you think Deliverance is a childbirth movie........you might be a midwife


If you refer to your beeper as "my home phone".........you might be a midwife


If you discuss adhesions with your family at the dinner table........you might be a midwife


If you know that perineal support is not a kind of stocking.......you might be a midwife


If you consider a pair of black Birkenstocks "formal wear".......you might be a midwife


If your realize that "breeches" are not a southern man's trousers........you might be a midwife


If you know that ultrasound is not a fancy stereo........you might be a midwife


If you've ever stopped on your way to a birth and someone has looked in your car and asked "Are you Moving?"........you might be a midwife


If you've ever gotten out of a speeding ticket by actually showing the state trooper a placenta........you might be a midwife


If you thought the movie "Catch-22" was a story about a month in a very busy midwife's life........you might be a midwife


If your idea of a color coordinated birthing outfit is matching the blood stains on your sweat shirt with the blood stains on your sweat pants........you might be a midwife


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Five Minutes

A hospital posted a notice in the nurse's lounge saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too."

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Stern Sibling, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Sibling Humor:"An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her five-year-old child."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/stern

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Quick Pregnancy and Birth - F.A.Q. - (PART 2), Labor & Delivery Jokes:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/faq

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Pregnancy and Birth - F.A.Q. - (PART 1), Labor & Delivery Jokes:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/birth

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Sum Ting Wong, Pregnancy Jokes, Labor & Delivery Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/wong

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My Baby Has A First Name, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/name

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Bringing Home A Second Wife, Marriage Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/second

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Expecting Twins, Blonde Jokes, Pregnancy Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/twins

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Pregnancy Dictionary, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Obstetrics Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/dictionary

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A Grandmother's Insomnia, Doctor's Jokes, Pregnancy & Medications Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/insomnia

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You're Not Sterile! Labor & Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/sterile

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How Much Will It Hurt, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Obstetrics & Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/hurt

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Baby Names, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Obstetrics Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/baby

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Sharing The Pain of Childbirth, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/sharing

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Four Expectant Fathers, Pregnancy Jokes, Labor & Delivery, Obstetrics Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/fathers

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If Men Got Pregnant, Battle Of The Sexes Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/pregnant

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Top Ten Fatal Things to say when your wife is pregnant, Labor & Delivery Jokes
http://www.nursinghumor.com/fatal

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Lamaze Class:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/lamaze

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It Can't Be Mine! Labor & Delivery Jokes, Paternity Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/mine

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Breastfeeding Technical Support, Medical Jokes, Obstetrics Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/breastfeeding

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Breastfeeding Humor and Nursing Tales:
http://www.breastfeeding.com/lighter.html

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Extremely Discreet Nursing:
http://www.breastfeeding.com/lighter_side/lighter_side_stories_discreet.html

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Top 5 List of Things NOT To Say To Your Pregnant Wife After Her Ultrasound:
http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/93q3/ultrasound.html

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It Ain't All Playing Golf . . .
http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/89q1/scis.170.html

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See also: Cocaine, Substance Abuse & Drug Addiction Links, Infertility, Contraception & Fertilization, Labor and Delivery, Obstetrics Jokes, Humor Links, Labor-Delivery-Obstetric Nursing, Miscarriages, Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) Nurses, Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) Management Nursing Jobs, Obstetric Nurses, Obstetrics Staff Nursing Jobs, Pregnancy Nurse Entrepreneurs, Premature Infants, Low Birth Weight Babies

Follow us on Twitter! http://twitter.com/nursefriendly

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Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137, AOL "nursefriendly"
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

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http://www.nursingdiscussions.com
http://www.nursinghumor.com
http://www.nursingentrepreneurs.com
http://www.nursingexperts.com

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