You Might Be A Nurse Midwife If .., Labor Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Humor

To subscribe send a blank email to: nursingjokes-subscribe@topica.com

Did you know, you can download all our jokes? Visit http://www.nursinghumor.com/archive

Follow us on Twitter! http://twitter.com/nursefriendly

******************************************************
You Might Be A Nurse Midwife If ..., Labor Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/midwife
******************************************************

You Might Be A Nurse Midwife If . . . .

If you use more super glue on women's bottoms than your broken china.......you might be a midwife

If you've ever crocheted with an amni hook.......you might be a midwife

If you carry more tanks in you car than a Jacque Cousteau documentary.......you might be a midwife

If you hear "doppler" radar on the Weather Channel and your ears perk up.......you might be a midwife

If you've recommended Castor Oil more times that the local Quick Lube.......you might be a midwife

If your idea of "seeing the head coming" doesn't refer to your beer.......you might be a midwife

If it takes a hour to get dressed to go out yet 45 seconds to get dressed in the middle of the night.......you might be a midwife

If you talk about seeing the "crown" and you weren't at Buckingham Palace.......you might be a midwife

If you've had your picture taken so many times with babies you should be running for office.......you might be a midwife

If there are more ways to reach you than the local fire department.......you might be a midwife

If you can actually name more than three African drum bands.......you might be a midwife

If you know that "post partum" doesn't mean your fence is coming apart.......you might be a midwife

If you've ever been called by a neighbor with a farm animal in labor.......you might be a midwife

If the color of you car is unrecognizable because of all the bumperstickers.......you might be a midwife

If you refuse to sell you junky run down car because you'll lose your bumperstickers.......you might be a midwife

If you think c-section should only be the cheap seats at a ballgame.......you might be a midwife


If you know that a fetoscope does not measure shoe size.......you might be a midwife


If the 36,000 mile/3 year warranty on your brand new car actually means less than one year.......you might be a midwife


If your tires are going bald faster than your husband.......you might be a midwife


If you think the only use for forceps is as salad tongs.......you might be a midwife


If you've made more great catches than Chipper Jones.......you might be a midwife


If you know that a lie is not where your golf ball lands.......you might be a midwife


If you think that a "tail back" is a new kind of birthing position.......you might be a midwife


If you know a cesarean is not a salad.......you might be a midwife


If your idea of a vacation is taking a car ride outside your beeper range........you might be a midwife


If you know that a pinard horn is not a musical instrument.......you might be a midwife


If you think the only way to measure centimeters is by spreading your fingers.......you might be a midwife


If you get more calls from ladies with broken water than the local plumber.......you might be a midwife


If you've ever ran out of gas and used a breast pump and catheter as a siphon.......you might be a midwife


If you've ever used cord clamps as hair curlers........you might be a midwife


If you've ever used a speculum to put on a tight pair of shoes.......you might be a midwife


If you can eat cherry jello while watching a birth film........you might be a midwife


If you talk about yeast infections like they're dairy products........you might be a midwife


If you've ever put on a latex glove to remove the stuffing from a turkey.......you might be a midwife


If you have more hemostats in you glove box than a Grateful Dead fan.......you might be a midwife


If you think Deliverance is a childbirth movie........you might be a midwife


If you refer to your beeper as "my home phone".........you might be a midwife


If you discuss adhesions with your family at the dinner table........you might be a midwife


If you know that perineal support is not a kind of stocking.......you might be a midwife


If you consider a pair of black Birkenstocks "formal wear".......you might be a midwife


If your realize that "breeches" are not a southern man's trousers........you might be a midwife


If you know that ultrasound is not a fancy stereo........you might be a midwife


If you've ever stopped on your way to a birth and someone has looked in your car and asked "Are you Moving?"........you might be a midwife


If you've ever gotten out of a speeding ticket by actually showing the state trooper a placenta........you might be a midwife


If you thought the movie "Catch-22" was a story about a month in a very busy midwife's life........you might be a midwife


If your idea of a color coordinated birthing outfit is matching the blood stains on your sweat shirt with the blood stains on your sweat pants........you might be a midwife

******************************************************

******************************************************

Five Minutes

A hospital posted a notice in the nurse's lounge saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too."

******************************************************

Stern Sibling, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Sibling Humor:"An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her five-year-old child."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/stern

******************************************************

Quick Pregnancy and Birth - F.A.Q. - (PART 2), Labor & Delivery Jokes:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/faq

******************************************************

Pregnancy and Birth - F.A.Q. - (PART 1), Labor & Delivery Jokes:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/birth

******************************************************

Sum Ting Wong, Pregnancy Jokes, Labor & Delivery Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/wong

******************************************************

My Baby Has A First Name, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/name

******************************************************

Bringing Home A Second Wife, Marriage Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/second

******************************************************

Expecting Twins, Blonde Jokes, Pregnancy Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/twins

******************************************************

Pregnancy Dictionary, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Obstetrics Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/dictionary

******************************************************

A Grandmother's Insomnia, Doctor's Jokes, Pregnancy & Medications Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/insomnia

******************************************************

You're Not Sterile! Labor & Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/sterile

******************************************************

How Much Will It Hurt, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Obstetrics & Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/hurt

******************************************************

Baby Names, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Obstetrics Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/baby

******************************************************

Sharing The Pain of Childbirth, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/sharing

******************************************************

Four Expectant Fathers, Pregnancy Jokes, Labor & Delivery, Obstetrics Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/fathers

******************************************************

If Men Got Pregnant, Battle Of The Sexes Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/pregnant

******************************************************

Top Ten Fatal Things to say when your wife is pregnant, Labor & Delivery Jokes
http://www.nursinghumor.com/fatal

******************************************************

Lamaze Class:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/lamaze

******************************************************

It Can't Be Mine! Labor & Delivery Jokes, Paternity Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/mine

******************************************************

Breastfeeding Technical Support, Medical Jokes, Obstetrics Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/breastfeeding

******************************************************

Breastfeeding Humor and Nursing Tales:
http://www.breastfeeding.com/lighter.html

******************************************************

Extremely Discreet Nursing:
http://www.breastfeeding.com/lighter_side/lighter_side_stories_discreet.html

******************************************************

Top 5 List of Things NOT To Say To Your Pregnant Wife After Her Ultrasound:
http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/93q3/ultrasound.html

******************************************************

It Ain't All Playing Golf . . .
http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/89q1/scis.170.html

******************************************************

See also: Cocaine, Substance Abuse & Drug Addiction Links, Infertility, Contraception & Fertilization, Labor and Delivery, Obstetrics Jokes, Humor Links, Labor-Delivery-Obstetric Nursing, Miscarriages, Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) Nurses, Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) Management Nursing Jobs, Obstetric Nurses, Obstetrics Staff Nursing Jobs, Pregnancy Nurse Entrepreneurs, Premature Infants, Low Birth Weight Babies

---

---

Follow us on Twitter! http://twitter.com/nursefriendly

******************************************************

******************************************************

Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137, AOL "nursefriendly"
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

150,000 + Nurse-Reviewed & Approved Nursing Links

http://www.4nursing.com
http://www.4studentnurses.com
http://www.4travelnursing.com
http://www.lopez1.com
http://www.nursinga2z.com
http://www.nursingdiscussions.com
http://www.nursinghumor.com
http://www.nursingentrepreneurs.com
http://www.nursingexperts.com

Menstruation, Menstrual Cycles, Periods, Womens Health, Gynecology, Direct Patient Care

Nursing & Healthcare Directories on: The Nursefriendly
Menstruation, Menstrual Cycles, Periods, Womens Health, Gynecology, Direct Patient Care

The Shortcut URL To This Section Is: http://www.nursefriendly.com/menstruation

Menstruation, Women's Health, About.com:"Normal and abnormal menstruation information from abnormal uterine bleeding to what it means when periods are late, heavy, or accompanied by PMS or cramps, as well as details about what to expect during a normal period and menstrual cycle. Menstrual Cramps (2)Bleeding DisordersAbnormal Bleeding (10)Glossary of Menstruation (14)Amenorrhea (5)Period FAQs (7)Bleeding After Sex (3)Premenstrual Syndrome FAQs (7)Bleeding After Sex, Teen Girls and Menstruation (6)Bleeding Between Periods (6) http://womenshealth.about.com/od/menstruation/Menstruation.htm

******************************************************

Menstruation, When Your Period Hurts, American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists:"Many girls have mild cramps in the lower abdomen or pain in the lower back when their periods start. Cramping gives you a feeling of tightness and pain. This is normal. Some girls also go through other changes in the days or weeks before their menstrual periods start. The most common symptoms are: Bloating—a feeling of fullness in the abdomen, Tender breasts, Headache, Feeling tired, Mood swings, Food cravings."
The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists
409 12th Street, SW
PO Box 96920
Washington, DC 20090-6920
http://www.acog.org/publications/patient_education/bp049.cfm

******************************************************

Menstruation: A Journey Through Your Cycle, American Pregnancy Association:"What if my period is late or I missed my period? Sometimes a period may come late or be missed for the month. Frequently, a woman's first thought is that she is pregnant. Yes, that could be the case, but there are times when a woman may be late or miss her period for other unsuspected reasons. These reasons include: Significant weight gain/loss, Fatigue, Hormonal problems, Tension, Stress, Ceasing to take the birth control pill, Breastfeeding, Increase in exercise, Illness, Infections, STD's"
American Pregnancy Association
1431 Greenway Drive, Suite 800
Irving , Texas 75038
Phone Numbers: (972) 815-2337
http://www.americanpregnancy.org/womenshealth/menstruation.html

******************************************************

Menstruation, Epigee, Women's Health:"Problems With Your Cycle: Having your period can be a real pain, in more ways than one. If you suffer from menstrual cramps, read up on why women feel such pain every month. You'll also get some handy tips on how to get rid of those menstrual cramps. But cramps don't only occur when you have your period. Women who notice period-like cramps half-way through their cycle may have mittelschmerz, a type of cramping that happens when you ovulate. However, if your menstrual cramps are so intense that you regularly experience severe pain, then you may actually have dysmenorrhea."
http://www.epigee.org/guide/foreword.html

******************************************************

Menstrual Cycles: What Really Happens in those 28 Days?! Feminist Women's Health Center:"Have you ever wondered about the connection between your body's 28 day cycle and the cycle of the moon? Here's the theory. In the days before electricity, women's bodies were influenced by the amount of moonlight we saw. Just as sunlight and moonlight affect plants and animals, our hormones were triggered by levels of moonlight. And, all women cycled together. Today, with artificial light everywhere, day and night, our cycles no longer correspond to the moon. This article is dedicated to exploring menses: fact and fiction, then and now."
Feminist Women's Health Center
14220 Interurban Ave South #140
Seattle, WA, USA
98168
info@fwhc.org
http://www.fwhc.org/health/moon.htm

******************************************************

Puberty and Periods, All About Menstruation, Kidshealth.org:"Menstruation (a period) is a major stage of puberty in girls; it's one of the many physical signs that a girl is turning into a woman. And like a lot of the other changes associated with puberty, menstruation can be confusing. Some girls can't wait to start their periods, whereas others may feel afraid or anxious. Many girls (and guys!) don't have a complete understanding of a woman's reproductive system or what actually happens during the menstrual cycle, making the process seem even more mysterious."
http://kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/girls/menstruation.html

******************************************************

Menstruation, Medlineplus:"Menstruation, or period, is a woman's monthly bleeding. Every month, your body prepares for pregnancy. If no pregnancy occurs, the uterus sheds its lining. The menstrual blood is partly blood and partly tissue from inside the uterus, or womb. It passes out of the body through the vagina. Periods usually start around age 12 and continue until menopause, at about age 51. Most periods last from three to five days. You should consult your health care provider if You haven't started menstruating by age 16 Your period suddenly stops You bleed excessively, or for more days than usual You suddenly feel sick after using tampons You bleed between periods You have severe pain during your period"
National Library of Medicine
8600 Rockville Pike Bethesda, Maryland 20894
Phone: (301) 496-6308 Fax: (301) 496-4450 email: publicinfo@nlm.nih.gov
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/menstruation.html

******************************************************

Museum of Menstruation and Women's Health:"Discover the rich history of menstruation and women's health on this Web site - MUM for short - devoted to menstruation and selected topics of women's health!"
http://www.mum.org/

******************************************************

Menstruation, Overview, Wikipedia.org:"Eumenorrhea denotes normal, regular menstruation that lasts for a few days (usually 3 to 5 days, but anywhere from 2 to 7 days is considered normal).[2] The average blood loss during menstruation is 35 millilitres with 10-80 mL considered normal;[3] many women also notice shedding of the endometrium lining that appears as tissue mixed with the blood. (Sometimes this is erroneously thought to indicate an early-term miscarriage of an embryo.) An enzyme called plasmin — contained in the endometrium — tends to inhibit the blood from clotting. Because of this blood loss, premenopausal women have higher dietary requirements for iron to prevent iron deficiency. Many women experience uterine cramps, also referred to as dysmenorrhea, during this time, caused largely by the contractions of the uterine muscle as it expels the endometrial blood from the woman's body. A vast industry has grown to provide drugs to aid in these cramps, as well as sanitary products to help manage menses."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menstruation

******************************************************

Menstruation and the Menstrual Cycle, Frequently Asked Questions, womenshealth.gov:"What is menstruation? What is the menstrual cycle? What happens during the menstrual cycle? What is a typical menstrual period like? What kinds of problems do women have with their periods? When does a girl usually get her first period? How long does a woman have periods? When should I see a doctor about my period? How often should I change my pad/tampon?"
National Women's Health Information Center
8270 Willow Oaks Corporate Drive, Fairfax, VA 22031
1-800-994-9662 or 1-888-220-5446 for the hearing impaired.
http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/menstruation.cfm

Follow us on Twitter! http://twitter.com/nursefriendly

Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137, AOL/Skype/Twitter-nursefriendly
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

150,000 + Nurse-Reviewed & Approved Nursing Links

http://www.4studentnurses.com
http://www.4travelnursing.com
http://www.lopez1.com
http://www.nursinga2z.com
http://www.nursingdiscussions.com
http://www.nursinghumor.com
http://www.nursefriendly.com
http://www.nursingentrepreneurs.com
http://www.nursingexperts.com

Lessons from an Oyster, Inspirational Poems, Touching Stories

To subscribe, send a blank email to: inspirationalstories-subscribe@topica.com

To read our newest, visit http://www.4nursing.com/blog

Follow us on Twitter! http://twitter.com/nursefriendly

******************************************************
Lessons from an Oyster, Inspirational Poems, Touching Stories
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/oyster
******************************************************

There once was an oyster
Whose story I tell,
Who found that some sand
Had got into his shell.

It was only a grain,
but it gave him great pain.
For oysters have feelings
Although they're so plain.

Now, did he berate
the harsh workings of fate
That had brought him
To such a deplorable state?

Did he curse at the government,
Cry for election,
And claim that the sea should
Have given him protection?

'No,' he said to himself
As he lay on a shell,
Since I cannot remove it,
I shall try to improve it.

Now the years have rolled around,
As the years always do,
And he came to his ultimate
Destiny ­ stew.

And the small grain of sand
That had bothered him so
Was a beautiful pearl
All richly aglow.

Now the tale has a moral,
for isn't it grand
What an oyster can do
With a morsel of sand?

What couldn't we do
If we'd only begin
With some of the things
That get under our skin.

Author Unknown

******************************************************
******************************************************
Choose more poems, inspirational stories by category:

Nursing Stories, Nurse Tales, Poems
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/nursing

A to Z Inspirational Stories List
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/alpha

Affection, Caring, Friendship
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/affection

Ambition, Determination, Persistence, Resiliency
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/ambition

Angels In Our Lives, Watching Over Us
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/angels

Animals, Pets, God's Creatures
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/animals

Children, Babies, Infants, Kids
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/children

Death, Dying, End of Life, Hospice Poems
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/death

Grief, Bereavement, Loss, Sorrow
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/grief

Virtues, Dependability, Honesty, Reliability
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/virtues

More categories, http://www.inspirationalnursing.com

******************************************************
******************************************************

Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137, AOL/Skype/Twitter-nursefriendly
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

150,000 + Nurse-Reviewed & Approved Nursing Links

http://www.4studentnurses.com
http://www.4travelnursing.com
http://www.lopez1.com
http://www.nursinga2z.com
http://www.nursingdiscussions.com
http://www.nursinghumor.com
http://www.nursefriendly.com
http://www.nursingentrepreneurs.com
http://www.nursingexperts.com

My Baby Girl, Inspirational Poems, Touching Stories

To subscribe, send a blank email to: inspirationalstories-subscribe@topica.com

To read our newest, visit http://www.4nursing.com/blog

Follow us on Twitter! http://twitter.com/nursefriendly

******************************************************
My Baby Girl, Inspirational Poems, Touching Stories
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/girl
******************************************************

My beautiful baby girl
playing outside on the lawn
without a care in the world...
but soon you will be gone.

When you were born I couldn't believe
how much you looked like me,
an image so clear none could deny
and all could plainly see.

My little one won't stay at home
forever in the yard,
a time will come when I'll let go
and I know it will be hard.

I'm sure the happiness I've known
will stay here in my heart
long after you are fully grown,
and we are far apart.

But no matter where you go
in this wide and wondrous world,
I'll always treasure you, my dear,
as my special baby girl.

Author Unknown

******************************************************
******************************************************
Choose more poems, inspirational stories by category:

Nursing Stories, Nurse Tales, Poems
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/nursing

A to Z Inspirational Stories List
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/alpha

Affection, Caring, Friendship
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/affection

Ambition, Determination, Persistence, Resiliency
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/ambition

Angels In Our Lives, Watching Over Us
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/angels

Animals, Pets, God's Creatures
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/animals

Children, Babies, Infants, Kids
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/children

Death, Dying, End of Life, Hospice Poems
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/death

Grief, Bereavement, Loss, Sorrow
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/grief

Virtues, Dependability, Honesty, Reliability
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/virtues

More categories, http://www.inspirationalnursing.com

******************************************************
******************************************************

Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137, AOL/Skype/Twitter-nursefriendly
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

150,000 + Nurse-Reviewed & Approved Nursing Links

http://www.4studentnurses.com
http://www.4travelnursing.com
http://www.lopez1.com
http://www.nursinga2z.com
http://www.nursingdiscussions.com
http://www.nursinghumor.com
http://www.nursefriendly.com
http://www.nursingentrepreneurs.com
http://www.nursingexperts.com

Top 10 Reasons to Become a Nurse, Nursing Jokes, Top Ten Humor

To subscribe send a blank email to: nursingjokes-subscribe@topica.com

Did you know, you can download all our jokes? Visit http://www.nursinghumor.com/archive

Follow us on Twitter! http://twitter.com/nursefriendly

******************************************************
Top 10 Reasons to Become a Nurse, Nursing Jokes, Top Ten Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/nurse
******************************************************

Pays better than McDonald's (though the hours aren't as good.)

Fashionable shoes and sexy uniforms.

Needles: 'tis better to give than to receive.

Confidence in reassuring patients that all bleeding stops ... eventually.

Opportunity to expose yourself to rare, exotic, and exciting new diseases.

Interesting aromas.

Courteous and infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly clear handwriting.

Enough charting to navigate around the world.

Celebration of holidays with all your friends ... at work.

Comfort in the knowledge that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.

******************************************************
******************************************************
Five Minutes

A hospital posted a notice in the nurse's lounge saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too."

******************************************************

Peek-A-Boo

The famous female Olympic skier, Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo), is not just an outstanding athlete, she is also a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.

She is not permitted to answer the telephone, however, as it caused simply too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say, "Picabo, ICU."

(Please note, this is in fact an urban legend as verified by "snopes.com" we'll keep it here for clarification anyhow.)

******************************************************

Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God.

The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty.

******************************************************

A Routine Physical, Nursing Jokes, Medical Humor:"A man goes to a doctor for a routine physical. The nurse starts with the basics. "How much do you weigh?" she asks."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/physical

******************************************************

A Small Prick, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Patient Humor:"About a week ago I broke my ankle (in three places) and was in the hospital for several days. My first night in the hospital, after having surgery to rejoin my bones with pins and plates and such, I was in a great deal of pain and quite immobile."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/prick

******************************************************

How Nurses Do It, Nursing Jokes, Occupation Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/

******************************************************

Top Ten Reasons I Went Into Nursing, Nurse Jokes, Healthcare Humor:"10. I love to wear white support hose. 9. I get a kick out of arrogant doctors."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/went

******************************************************

Able To Play? Operating Room Jokes, Medical Humor:"A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/play

******************************************************

Charge Nurse & The Genie Who Granted Three Wishes:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/charge/

******************************************************

Getting Even, Nursing Jokes, Physician Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/getting/

******************************************************

HMO Blues, Nursing Jokes, Managed Care (HMO) Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/blues

******************************************************

New Password, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Computer Humor:"A female nurse manager was helping a smug male resident access his computer account on the hospital information system."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/password

******************************************************

Patient Reassurance, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Patient Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/reassurance

******************************************************

Practical Jokes, Bedside Nursing Humor, Doctor Jokes
http://www.4nursing.com/humor-nursing-humor-practical-jokes.html

******************************************************

Respiratory Assessments, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Patient Humor
http://www.4nursing.com/humor-bedside-nursing-jokes-respiratory-assessments.html

******************************************************

Get Well Quick, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Law Enforcement Humor:
http://www.4nursing.com/humor-bedside-nursing-jokes-get-well-quick.html

******************************************************

Top Ten Most Commonly Used Nursing Phrases:"10. "No, really, I don't mind changing the TV channel for you . . . again."

9. "I'm sorry, it's not THAT kind of Tylenol."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/phrases

******************************************************

Top Ten Reasons I Went Into Nursing, Top Ten Jokes, Bedside Nursing Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/into

******************************************************

Top Ten Reasons To Work An Overtime Shift On The Weekend, Nursing Jokes, Top Ten Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/weekend

******************************************************

Black Testicles, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Patient Care Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/bedside.nursing.humor.black.testicles.htm

******************************************************

The Center of Attention, Medical Jokes, Patient Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/medical.doctor.physician.patient.jokes.the.center.of.attention.htm

******************************************************

Top Ten Worst Hospital Visitors, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Top Ten Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/worst

******************************************************

Patient Guidelines And Responsibilities, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Patient Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/

******************************************************

Ambulances As Medical Necessities, Medical Jokes, Patient Humor:"These are all GENUINE replies from patients asked why they needed an ambulance to and from hospital..."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/ambulances

******************************************************

The Foley Insertion, Foley Catheter Jokes, Bedside Nursing Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/insertion

******************************************************

Nurse Hell, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Nurse Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/nurse

******************************************************

How Many Nurses Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb? Bedside Nursing Jokes, Medical Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/bedside.nursing.humor/how.many.nurses.does.it.take.to.change.a.light.bulb.htm

******************************************************

Multiple Specimens, Medical Jokes, Doctor & Patient Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/medical.doctor.physician.patient.jokes.multiple.specimens.htm

******************************************************

The Ranks of a Hospital, Nursing Jokes, Bedside Nursing Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/bedside.nursing.humor/the.ranks.of.the.hospital.htm

******************************************************

Most Commonly Used Phrases By Nurses, Bedside Nursing Humor, Nurse Jokes
http://www.nursinghumor.com/most.commonly.used.phrases.by.nurses.htm

******************************************************

Caffeine Is My Shepherd, Bedside Nursing Humor, Employment Jokes
http://www.nursinghumor.com/caffeine

******************************************************

******************************************************

Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137, AOL "nursefriendly"
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

150,000 + Nurse-Reviewed & Approved Nursing Links

http://www.4nursing.com
http://www.4studentnurses.com
http://www.4travelnursing.com
http://www.lopez1.com
http://www.nursinga2z.com
http://www.nursingdiscussions.com
http://www.nursinghumor.com
http://www.nursingentrepreneurs.com
http://www.nursingexperts.com

How Much Does A Prayer Weigh, Inspirational Poems, Touching Stories

To subscribe, send a blank email to: inspirationalstories-subscribe@topica.com

To read our newest, visit http://www.4nursing.com/blog

Follow us on Twitter! http://twitter.com/nursefriendly

******************************************************
How Much Does A Prayer Weigh, Inspirational Poems, Touching Stories
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/weigh

******************************************************

How much does a prayer weigh? There is a story of a grocery store owner who tried to weigh one. A tired-looking woman came into the store and asked for enough food to make a dinner for her children. The grocer asked her how much she could spend. The frail woman answered, "I have nothing to offer but a little prayer."

The storekeeper was not very sentimental nor religious, so he said, half-mockingly, "Write it on paper, and I'll weigh it."

So she did. The grocer placed the prayer on the weight side of his old-fashioned scales. Then he began piling food on the other side; but to his amazement, the scale would not go down. He finally became flustered and gave the woman a large bag of food.

The grocer never saw the woman again, but he treasures the slip of paper upon which the woman's prayer had been written; "Please, Lord, give us this day our daily bread."

Author Unknown

******************************************************
******************************************************
Choose more poems, inspirational stories by category:

Nursing Stories, Nurse Tales, Poems
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/nursing

A to Z Inspirational Stories List
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/alpha

Affection, Caring, Friendship
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/affection

Ambition, Determination, Persistence, Resiliency
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/ambition

Angels In Our Lives, Watching Over Us
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/angels

Animals, Pets, God's Creatures
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/animals

Children, Babies, Infants, Kids
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/children

Death, Dying, End of Life, Hospice Poems
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/death

Grief, Bereavement, Loss, Sorrow
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/grief

Virtues, Dependability, Honesty, Reliability
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/virtues

More categories, http://www.inspirationalnursing.com

******************************************************
******************************************************

Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137, AOL “nursefriendly”
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

150,000 + Nurse-Reviewed & Approved Nursing Links

http://www.4studentnurses.com
http://www.4travelnursing.com
http://www.lopez1.com
http://www.nursinga2z.com
http://www.nursingdiscussions.com
http://www.nursinghumor.com
http://www.nursefriendly.com
http://www.nursingentrepreneurs.com
http://www.nursingexperts.com

Nurse Hell, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Nurse Humor

To subscribe send a blank email to: nursingjokes-subscribe@topica.com

Did you know, you can download all our jokes? Visit http://www.nursinghumor.com/archive

******************************************************
Nurse Hell, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Nurse Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/hell
******************************************************

A doctor dies and goes to hell.

The devil greets him and tells him that since he was doctor, and did some good that he could choose his eternity.

The devil opens the first door, there are doctors hanging from their ankles being whipped by demons.

"Oh my God, I don't want that", the doctor replies.

The devil opens a second door to reveal doctors on fire being chased by huge beasts.

"That one is even worse!" says the doctor, getting more nervous.

The devil opens a third door to reveal doctors in lounge chairs being served tropical drinks by gorgeous, scantily clad nurses.

"Sign me up for that eternity!" the doctor states.

The devil then slams that door and says, "You can't go there, you weren't supposed to see that."

The doctor states why can't I go there?

The devil replies, "Well.... that's nurse hell."

******************************************************
******************************************************
******************************************************

Five Minutes

A hospital posted a notice in the nurse's lounge saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too."

******************************************************

Peek-A-Boo

The famous female Olympic skier, Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo), is not just an outstanding athlete, she is also a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.

She is not permitted to answer the telephone, however, as it caused simply too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say, "Picabo, ICU."

(Please note, this is in fact an urban legend as verified by "snopes.com" we'll keep it here for clarification anyhow.)

******************************************************

Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God.

The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty.

******************************************************

A Routine Physical, Nursing Jokes, Medical Humor:"A man goes to a doctor for a routine physical. The nurse starts with the basics. "How much do you weigh?" she asks."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/physical

******************************************************

A Small Prick, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Patient Humor:"About a week ago I broke my ankle (in three places) and was in the hospital for several days. My first night in the hospital, after having surgery to rejoin my bones with pins and plates and such, I was in a great deal of pain and quite immobile."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/prick

******************************************************

How Nurses Do It, Nursing Jokes, Occupation Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/

******************************************************

Top Ten Reasons I Went Into Nursing, Nurse Jokes, Healthcare Humor:"10. I love to wear white support hose. 9. I get a kick out of arrogant doctors."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/went

******************************************************

Able To Play? Operating Room Jokes, Medical Humor:"A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/play

******************************************************

Charge Nurse & The Genie Who Granted Three Wishes:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/charge/

******************************************************

Getting Even, Nursing Jokes, Physician Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/getting/

******************************************************

HMO Blues, Nursing Jokes, Managed Care (HMO) Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/blues

******************************************************

New Password, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Computer Humor:"A female nurse manager was helping a smug male resident access his computer account on the hospital information system."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/password

******************************************************

Patient Reassurance, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Patient Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/reassurance

******************************************************

Practical Jokes, Bedside Nursing Humor, Doctor Jokes
http://www.4nursing.com/humor-nursing-humor-practical-jokes.html

******************************************************

Respiratory Assessments, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Patient Humor
http://www.4nursing.com/humor-bedside-nursing-jokes-respiratory-assessments.html

******************************************************

Get Well Quick, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Law Enforcement Humor:
http://www.4nursing.com/humor-bedside-nursing-jokes-get-well-quick.html

******************************************************

Top Ten Most Commonly Used Nursing Phrases:"10. "No, really, I don't mind changing the TV channel for you . . . again."

9. "I'm sorry, it's not THAT kind of Tylenol."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/phrases

******************************************************

Top Ten Reasons I Went Into Nursing, Top Ten Jokes, Bedside Nursing Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/into

******************************************************

Top Ten Reasons To Work An Overtime Shift On The Weekend, Nursing Jokes, Top Ten Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/weekend

******************************************************

Black Testicles, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Patient Care Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/bedside.nursing.humor.black.testicles.htm

******************************************************

The Center of Attention, Medical Jokes, Patient Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/medical.doctor.physician.patient.jokes.the.center.of.attention.htm

******************************************************

Top Ten Worst Hospital Visitors, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Top Ten Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/worst

******************************************************

Patient Guidelines And Responsibilities, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Patient Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/

******************************************************

Ambulances As Medical Necessities, Medical Jokes, Patient Humor:"These are all GENUINE replies from patients asked why they needed an ambulance to and from hospital..."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/ambulances

******************************************************

The Foley Insertion, Foley Catheter Jokes, Bedside Nursing Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/insertion

******************************************************

Nurse Hell, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Nurse Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/hell

******************************************************

How Many Nurses Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb? Bedside Nursing Jokes, Medical Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/bedside.nursing.humor/how.many.nurses.does.it.take.to.change.a.light.bulb.htm

******************************************************

Multiple Specimens, Medical Jokes, Doctor & Patient Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/medical.doctor.physician.patient.jokes.multiple.specimens.htm

******************************************************

The Ranks of a Hospital, Nursing Jokes, Bedside Nursing Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/bedside.nursing.humor/the.ranks.of.the.hospital.htm

******************************************************

Most Commonly Used Phrases By Nurses, Bedside Nursing Humor, Nurse Jokes
http://www.nursinghumor.com/most.commonly.used.phrases.by.nurses.htm

******************************************************

Caffeine Is My Shepherd, Bedside Nursing Humor, Employment Jokes
http://www.nursinghumor.com/caffeine

******************************************************

******************************************************

Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137, AOL "nursefriendly"
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

150,000 + Nurse-Reviewed & Approved Nursing Links

http://www.4nursing.com
http://www.4studentnurses.com
http://www.4travelnursing.com
http://www.lopez1.com
http://www.nursinga2z.com
http://www.nursingdiscussions.com
http://www.nursinghumor.com
http://www.nursingentrepreneurs.com
http://www.nursingexperts.com

Winners and Losers, Inspirational Poems, Touching Stories

To subscribe, send a blank email to: inspirationalstories-subscribe@topica.com

To read our newest, visit http://www.4nursing.com/blog

******************************************************
Winners and Losers, Inspirational Poems, Touching Stories
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/losers

******************************************************

The Winner is always a part of the answer;
The Loser is always a part of the problem.

The Winner always has a program;
The Loser always has an excuse.

The Winner says, "Let me do it for you.";
The Loser says, "That's not my job."

The Winner sees an answer for every problem;
The Loser sees a problem in every answer.

The Winner sees a green near every sand trap;
The Loser sees two or three sand traps near every green.

The Winner says, "It may be difficult but it's possible."
The Loser says, "It may be possible but it's too difficult."

You can make the choice !

Choose to be a winner !

Author Unknown

******************************************************
******************************************************
Choose more poems, inspirational stories by category:

Nursing Stories, Nurse Tales, Poems
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/nursing

A to Z Inspirational Stories List
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/alpha

Affection, Caring, Friendship
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/affection

Ambition, Determination, Persistence, Resiliency
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/ambition

Angels In Our Lives, Watching Over Us
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/angels

Animals, Pets, God's Creatures
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/animals

Children, Babies, Infants, Kids
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/children

Death, Dying, End of Life, Hospice Poems
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/death

Grief, Bereavement, Loss, Sorrow
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/grief

Virtues, Dependability, Honesty, Reliability
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/virtues

More categories, http://www.inspirationalnursing.com

******************************************************
******************************************************

Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137, AOL “nursefriendly”
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

150,000 + Nurse-Reviewed & Approved Nursing Links

http://www.4studentnurses.com
http://www.4travelnursing.com
http://www.lopez1.com
http://www.nursinga2z.com
http://www.nursingdiscussions.com
http://www.nursinghumor.com
http://www.nursefriendly.com
http://www.nursingentrepreneurs.com
http://www.nursingexperts.com

"If" for Nurses, Inspirational Poems, Touching Stories

http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/if

If you can bring a special understanding
To all of those entrusted to your care

And meet their needs, no matter how demanding
With patience and energy to spare;

If you can lend each task your full devotion,
And always try to listen and to cheer,

If you can learn to understand emotion, And comfort others just by being near;

If you look forward with anticipation
to meeting special challenges each day,

If you keep your faith and dedication
Whenever disappointment comes your way;

If you take pride in giving your profession
The finest skills and talents you possess,

Then all your dreams and goals will find expression
And, as a nurse, you'll be a great success.

Author Unknown

******************************************************
******************************************************
Choose more poems, inspirational stories by category:

Nursing Stories, Nurse Tales, Poems
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/nursing

A to Z Inspirational Stories List
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/alpha

Affection, Caring, Friendship
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/affection

Ambition, Determination, Persistence, Resiliency
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/ambition

Angels In Our Lives, Watching Over Us
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/angels

Animals, Pets, God's Creatures
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/animals

Children, Babies, Infants, Kids
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/children

Death, Dying, End of Life, Hospice Poems
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/death

Grief, Bereavement, Loss, Sorrow
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/grief

Virtues, Dependability, Honesty, Reliability
http://www.inspirationalnursing.com/virtues

More categories, http://www.inspirationalnursing.com

******************************************************
******************************************************

Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137, AOL “nursefriendly”
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

150,000 + Nurse-Reviewed & Approved Nursing Links

http://www.4studentnurses.com
http://www.4travelnursing.com
http://www.lopez1.com
http://www.nursinga2z.com
http://www.nursingdiscussions.com
http://www.nursinghumor.com
http://www.nursefriendly.com
http://www.nursingentrepreneurs.com
http://www.nursingexperts.com