Sunday, July 24, 2011

A Routine Physical, Nursing Jokes, Medical Humor

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A man goes to a doctor for a routine physical. The nurse starts with the basics.

"How much do you weigh?" she asks.

"Oh, About One-sixty-five." he says.

The nurse puts him on the scale. It turns out that his weight is 187. The nurse asks, "Your height?"

"Oh, About six feet," he says.

The nurse checks and sees that he's only 5 feet 8 3/4 inches. She then takes his blood pressure, and it's very high.

"High!" The man explains, "Well, what did you expect? When I came in here, I was tall and lanky. Now, I'm short and fat!"

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Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.

Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank.

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A man walks into a Doctors. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

"What's the matter with me?" he asked.

"You're not eating properly." replied the Doctor.

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"Doctor, I've had problems with silent gas emissions. At home, work, or at church I get lots of silent gas emissions. As a matter of fact I've had three sitting here talking to you. What are we going to do?"

"The first thing we're going to do is check your hearing"

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A man goes to doctor and says:

'Doctor, I have a problem. When I drink tea, my eye aches(sp?) and when I stop, it stops too. Can you help me?'

Doctor says:'Take the spoon out of the cup!'

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"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands from shaking!"

"Do you drink a lot?"

"Not really - I spill most of it.

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What's the best thing about having Alzheimer's Disease?

You can hide your own Easter eggs.
You are always meeting new people.
You never have to watch reruns on television.
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You Might Be an E.R. Doctor if..., Medical Jokes, Emergency Humor:"1) Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion. 2) Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you. 3) You think that caffeine should be available in IV form. 4) You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/erdoc

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New Arrival, Medical Jokes, Organ Transplant Humor:"A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/arrival

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Going To Operate, Medical Jokes, Operating Room (OR) Humor:"When his auto mechanic came in for an operation, Dr. Grimley couldn't help but take the opportunity to turn the tables on him."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/going

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Horrible Mistake, Doctors Jokes, Medical Humor:"There was a horrible mistake at the hospital. A man who was scheduled for a vasectomy was instead given a sex change operation."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/horrible

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Treating A Cold, Medical Jokes, Patient Humor:"When Pat and Mike met each other on the street one day, Pat noticed that Mike had a terrible cold. "Have you seen a doctor about that cold?" he asked."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/treating

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A "Plumbing" Problem. Medical Jokes, Patient Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/plumbing

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Three Times A Week, Doctors Jokes, Marriage Humor:"

An elderly woman went to the doctor for a check up. After examining her and checking her cardiovascular activity, the doctor recommended that she engage in sexual activity three times a week."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/three

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Excess Weight, Medical Jokes, Obesity Humor:"Well, Jonathan, what are you going to do about the excess weight you're carrying around," the doctor asked."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/weight

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Eating Ants, Emergency Room Jokes, Medical Humor:"A medical student was doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. One day, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/ants

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Overdue Appointment, Medical Jokes, Patient Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/overdue

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The Right Size, Medical Jokes, Surgical Humor:"John was successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered at work by terrible headaches."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/size

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Exam Professionalism, Medical Jokes, Doctor's Humor:"A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/exam

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Top Ten Signs You Need A New Doctor, Medical Jokes, Top Ten Humor:"- He calls you at two in the morning "just to talk." Instead of rubber surgical gloves he wears oven mitts."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/need

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Taking As Directed, Medical Jokes, Doctor Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/directed

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Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/carols

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Too Late, Doctors Jokes, Gallows Humor:"The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/late

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The Circumcision, Medical Jokes, Kids Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/circumcision

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Able To Play? Operating Room Jokes, Medical Humor:"A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/play

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Feeling Exhausted, Medical Jokes, Patient Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/exhausted

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Getting Even, Nursing Jokes, Physician Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/getting/

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How Long? Emergency Department Jokes, Medical Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/how

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Virtually Deaf? Getting Older Jokes, Medical Humor:"An elderly gentleman finally invested in a hearing aid after becoming virtually deaf. It was one of those invisible hearing aids. Soon after, he went for a check-up."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/deaf

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She Didn't Make It, Medical Jokes, Emergency Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/it

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New Secretary, Doctor's Jokes, Battle of The Sexes Humor:"Dr. Johnson got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and very polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/secretary

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Auto Enthusiast, Surgeon Jokes, Medical Humor:"A 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon's office. "You know, Doc," he said, "I've made love in more exotic cars than anyone I know. Must be at least a thousand."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/auto

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Blind Drunk, Emergency Department Jokes, Medical Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/drunk

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Stern Sibling, Labor & Delivery Jokes, Sibling Humor:"An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her five-year-old child."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/stern

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Last Words, Doctor Jokes, Priest Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/last

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Quick Diagnosis, Doctor Jokes, Physician Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/diagnosis

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Come Quick! Medical Jokes, Marriage Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/quick

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Taking Notes, Doctor Jokes, Getting Older Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/notes

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Fine Art, Medical Jokes, Gallows Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/art

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Healthcare Dollars, Medical Jokes, Healthcare Humor:"In reviewing how our healthcare dollars are spent, the following statistics were revealed."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/dollars

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Medical Bloopers Found In Patient Charts, Doctor Jokes, Medical Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/bloopers

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Skin Graft, Medical Jokes, Marriage Humor:"A married couple were in a terrible accident in which the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too thin. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/graft

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Big Words, Children's Jokes, Medical Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/words

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Small, Medium or Large? Doctor Jokes, Marriage Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/medium

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Bad News, Worse News, Medical Jokes, Geriatric Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/news

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A Future Physician, Medical Jokes, Parenting Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/future

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Obsessions, Psychiatric Jokes, Medical Humor:"A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. You all have obsessions," he observed."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/obsessions

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Sun Burn Treatment, Medical Jokes, Patient Care Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/sun

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The Good News, The Bad News, Medical Jokes, Doctor Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/good/

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Isolation Precautions, Infection Control Jokes, Physician Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/isolation

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Not Good Looking, Medical Jokes, Marriage Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/looking

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Practical Jokes, Bedside Nursing Humor, Doctor Jokes
http://www.nursinghumor.com/practical

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This Won't Hurt Much, Medical Jokes, Military Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/much

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Common Forms of Office Illness, On The Job Jokes, Medical Humor,
http://www.nursinghumor.com/illness

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Coffee and Viagra, Medical Jokes, Marriage Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/viagra

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Rusty Tools, Viagra Jokes, Marriage Humor:
http://www.4nursing.com/humor-bedside-nursing-jokes-viagra-marriage-rusty-tools.html

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Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear When Regaining Consciousness, Medical Jokes, Operating Room Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/regaining

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Working In The Dark, Psychiatric Jokes, Medical Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/dark

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The Business Trip, Medical Jokes, Patient Humor
http://www.4nursing.com/humor-medical-doctor-patient-jokes-business-trip.html

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Sex Therapy, Medical Jokes, Patient Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical.doctor.physician.patient.jokes.sex.therapy.htm

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Post-Op Blues, Medical Jokes, Anesthesiology Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical.doctor.physician.patient.jokes.post.op.blues.htm

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A Star In The East, Medical Jokes, Physician Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical.doctor.physician.patient.jokes.a.star.in.the.east.htm

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The Forgetful Patient, Doctors Jokes, Medical Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/the.forgetful.patient.htm

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Diving Right In, Psychiatric Jokes, Medical Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/psychiatric.jokes.nursing.humor.diving.right.in.htm

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Doctor's Funeral, Medical Jokes, Physician Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical.doctor.physician.patient.jokes.doctors.funeral.htm

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Buying Condoms, Pharmacy Jokes, Infidelity Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/condoms

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Odds & Ends, Medical Jokes, Physician Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical.doctor.physician.patient.jokes.odds.and.ends.htm

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Heart Transplant, Organ Donation Jokes, Medical Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical.doctor.physician.patient.jokes.heart.transplant.htm

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Passing Wind, Medical Jokes, Patient Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical.doctor.physician.patient.jokes.passing.wind.htm

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Removing Patches, Medications Jokes, Pharmacy Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical.doctor.physician.patient.jokes.removing.patches.htm

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Top Ten Reasons For Becoming An Anesthesiologist, Medical Jokes, Hospital Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/anesthesiologist

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Screwed Up Laboratory Results, Medical Jokes, Laboratory Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/screwed

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Taxonomy of Medical Professionals, Medical Jokes, Hospital Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical.doctor.physician.patient.jokes.taxonomy.of.medical.professionals.htm

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The Center of Attention, Medical Jokes, Patient Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical.doctor.physician.patient.jokes.the.center.of.attention.htm

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Approving The New Hospital Policy, Medical Jokes, Physician Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical.doctor.physician.patient.jokes.approving.the.new.hospital.policy.htm

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Patient Confidentiality, Medical Jokes, Patient Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical.doctor.physician.patient.jokes.patient.confidentiality.htm

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Five Benefits of Mothers Milk, Breastfeeding Jokes, Medical Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical.doctor.physician.patient.jokes.five.benefits.of.mothers.milk.htm

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Arkansas Medical Definitions, Medical Terminology Jokes, Redneck Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/

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Anyone Need A Doctor? Medical Jokes, First Aid Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/medical

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A Cure For One Man's Cough, Medical Jokes, Drug & Pharmacy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/medical/

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Ambulances As Medical Necessities, Medical Jokes, Patient Humor:"These are all GENUINE replies from patients asked why they needed an ambulance to and from hospital..."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/ambulances

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Viagra Variations, Drug & Medications Jokes, Prescription Medicine Humor
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/drugs.prescriptions.medications.medicines.viagra.variations.htm

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A Grandmother's Insomnia, Doctor's Jokes, Pregnancy & Medications Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/insomnia

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Shooting Blanks, Medical Jokes, Physician Humor
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical.doctor.physician.patient.jokes.shooting.blanks.htm

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I Think My Wife Is Going Deaf, Medical Jokes, Marriage Humor http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical.jokes.humor.my.wife.is.going.deaf.htm

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A Doctor, A Nurse And A Shredder, Nursing Jokes, Medical Humor
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical.jokes.humor.a.doctor.a.nurse.and.a.shredder.htm

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He Thinks He's A Surgeon, Medical Jokes, Pearly Gates Humor
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical.doctor.physician.patient.jokes.he.thinks.he.is.a.surgeon.htm

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Near Death Experience, Medical Jokes, Gallows Humor
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical/near.death.experiences.plastic.surgeries.htm

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The Aspirin And The Job Interview, Medical Jokes, On The Job Humor
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical.jokes.humor.the.aspirin.and.the.interview.htm

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A Work of Art, Medical Jokes, Patient Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/work

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Multiple Specimens, Medical Jokes, Doctor & Patient Humor
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical.doctor.physician.patient.jokes.multiple.specimens.htm

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Perfect Shape Considering Your Age, Medical Jokes, Physician Humor
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical.perfect.shape.considering.your.age.htm

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Six Months To Live, Medical Jokes, Physician Humor
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical/six.months.to.live.htm

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It Hurts All Over, Medical Jokes, Physician Humor
http://nursinghumor.com/hurts

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Actual Medical Quotes From Patient Charts, Medical Jokes, Physican Humor
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical/actual.medical.quotes.from.charts.htm

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First Proctology Exam, Medical Humor, Doctors Jokes
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical/first.proctology.exam.htm

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A Short History Of Medicine, Medical Jokes, Physician Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/medical/a.short.history.of.medicine.htm

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Anyone For Pasta, Medical Jokes, Marriage & Infidelity Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/pasta

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Professional Courtesy, Medical Jokes, Physician Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/medical/professional.courtesy.htm

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The Difference Between Doctors & Veterinarians, Medical Jokes, Veterinary Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/medical/the.difference.between.doctors.and.veteri...

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Dehydration, Medical Jokes, Physican Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/medical/dehydration.htm

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Making It Look Easy, Doctor Jokes, Medical Humor.
http://www.nursinghumor.com/medical/making.it.look.easy.htm

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Breastfeeding Technical Support, Medical Jokes, Obstetrics Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/breastfeeding

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The Doctor's Visit, Medical Jokes, Physician Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/doctors

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Screening Medical Students
http://www.nursinghumor.com/screening

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A Cure For One Man's Stuttering:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/medical/a.cure.for.one.mans.stutte...

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My Elbow Hurts!
http://www.nursinghumor.com/elbow

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Five Doctors Go Duck Hunting
http://www.nursinghumor.com/duck

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Do You Have A Dentist Appointment Tomorrow Too?
http://www.nursinghumor.com/too

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Who Makes the Best Patient?
http://www.nursinghumor.com/best/

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Eye Surgery, Operating Room Jokes, Medical Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/eye

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DoctorFunnyWoman.com:"The DoctorFunnyWoman.com website is owned and operated by Ayodele Olugbemi,MD (pseudonym: Adele Obemi). A physician with specialist training in Family practice and Ob/Gyn, she has a special interest in women's and children's health. A member of the Royal College of Obstetricians & Gynaecologists as well as the Royal College of General Practitioners (of the United Kingdom), she holds a Diploma in Child Health and a Diploma of the Faculty of Family Planning (UK) and is a Diplomate of the American Board of Family Practice."
doctorfunnywoman@hotmail.com
http://www.doctorfunnywoman.com

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GDU College of Medical Fraud:"GDU refuses to offer a degree in medicine out of concern that some cost-conscious hospital will hire someone with one of our diplomas, and let them perform surgery. However,GDU does offer programs in medically-related fields"
http://www.bandersnatch.com/med.htm

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Medical Humor:
http://www.swcbc.com/medical.html

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Saturday, July 23, 2011

Hospitals will be forced to admit medical errors, says government | Politics | The Guardian

The Department of Health has published its full response to last week's NHS Future Forum report, accepting many of the forum's recommendations and introducing a drive for transparency that will require hospitals to admit errors.

A written ministerial statement said hospitals would have a new "duty of candour", requiring them to tell patients when they had made mistakes – a key demand from the "listening exercise".

Providers of NHS services would have the duty written into their contracts in a drive to increase transparency.

The government has moved to eliminate the chances for "cherry-picking", whereby private providers seek to take on the most profitable operations. Royal colleges – professional bodies for health professionals – would be enlisted to develop safeguards to eliminate this.

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http://nursingentrepreneurs.ning.com/

StumbleUpon,
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******************************************************

Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

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http://www.nursinghumor.com

Walter Reed to close after more than a century - USATODAY.com

Walter Reed Army Medical Center, the Army's flagship hospital where privates to presidents have gone for care, is closing its doors after more than a century.

Walter Reed Army Medical Center, the military's flagship hospital where privates to presidents have gone for care for more than a century, is closing its doors.

Hundreds of thousands of the nation's war wounded from World War I to today have received treatment at Walter Reed, including 18,000 troops who served in Iraq and Afghanistan.

President Dwight Eisenhower died there. So did Gens. John J. Pershing and Douglas MacArthur.

It's where countless celebrities, from Bob Hope to quarterback Tom Brady, have stopped to show their respect to the wounded. Through the use of medical diplomacy, the center also has tended to foreign leaders.

Click on the "VIA" link for the full article.

--

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******************************************************

Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

150,000 + Nurse-Reviewed & Approved Nursing Links

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http://www.nursinghumor.com

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

S.C. Court Upholds $250K Retained Sponge Verdict: #nursing Breaking News in #Surgery > July, 2011 >

A South Carolina hospital has lost its bid to overturn a $250,000 malpractice verdict awarded to a patient who suffered pain, discomfort and an embarrassing odor from a sponge left inside her vagina after hysterectomy surgery.

AnMed Health had admitted liability in the case of Elise Burke, 73, who underwent an abdominal hysterectomy at the hospital on March 22, 2005. According to court documents, a pre-operative nurse mistakenly left a cleansing sponge in Ms. Burke's vagina, which went undetected during the surgery.

After the procedure, Ms. Burke felt increasing pain, discolored vaginal discharge and an offensive odor that she and her family argued had caused her emotional distress. Over a 2-month period, she raised these concerns with her doctor and sought medical assistance 6 times, according to court documents and testimony.

Please click on the "VIA" link to read the full article:

See also:

May 23, 1999: Sponge Count Off, Patient Develops Sepsis, Surgeon Blames Nurse.
Sponge Counts are a basic and critical safety measure during a surgical operation. In this case, the standard three counts were not performed. A sponge was left in the patient that would later lead to infection. When the issue went to court, the surgeon claimed "it was not his responsibility" to keep track of the sponges.
Johnston v. Southwest Louisiana Assn. 693 So. 2d 1195 –LA (1997)
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/clinical.cases/052399.htm

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--

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******************************************************

Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

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Penn Nursing Science - Barbara Bates Center for The Study of The History of Nursing

The Barbara Bates Center for The Study of the History of Nursing is the preeminent center for scholarship in nursing history. The mission of the Bates Center is to ensure the generation of historical knowledge, scholarship, and research on healthcare and nursing history in the U.S. and across the globe.

Our priority is to increase our understanding of the importance of a historical standpoint to the development of effective health policy and patient care strategies. The faculty, fellows, and visting scholars create scholarly papers and books that tie nursing’s history directly to current health topics. Our work in the history of nursing provides evidence necessary for a better understanding of the nation’s health care problems and the strategies required for resolving current critical issues.

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Why you should never go to the hospital in July – The Chart - CNN.com Blogs

Do not get sick in July. Why? You might die.

A recent study published by the Journal of General Internal Medicine reported a 10 percent spike in teaching hospital deaths during the month of July due to medical errors. We call this spike “The July Effect” and we attribute it to the influx of new interns and residents.

Typically, medical students graduate in June and begin their first year of residency training — internship — in July. This group of eager new interns invades the hospital to learn, care for patients, and make medical decisions. One problem. They don’t know what they’re doing.

Like most interns, I arrived with four years of medical school under my belt, an M.D. after my name, and virtually no practical knowledge of medicine. Although I wore the long white coat of a doctor, I kept my pockets packed with condensed medical manuals that we called our “peripheral brains” to make up for the lack of knowledge held in my actual brain. Thank God for these manuals. Otherwise I would have been part of “The July Effect.”

To read the full article, click here: http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/06/22/why-you-should-never-go-to-the-hospital-in-july/

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