Showing posts with label Marriage Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage Humor. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Having Your First, Second, Third Child, Parenting Jokes, Motherhood Humor, 4Nursing.com, Nursing & Healthcare Resources

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Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

Your Clothes


1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

The Baby's Name

1st baby: You pour over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.

Preparing for the Birth

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette

1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Sleeping

1st baby: Sleeps in your bedroom for the first six - eight weeks
2nd baby: Sleeps in your bedroom for the first two weeks
3rd baby: Goes right from the hospital nursery into their own room

Baby Book

1st baby: You religiously make entries every day, carefully noting the number of spit-ups and bowel movements for the first year
2nd baby: You enter a few facts each week but stop after 6 months
3rd baby: You buy the book but enter the child's name, birth weight, and length on the first page

Diapering

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing a coin

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When 2nd child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for coin to pass.
3rd child: When 3rd child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!

Pass this on to everyone you know who has children...or everyone who KNOWS someone who has had children... (the older the mother, the funnier this is!)

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Where Did It Go? Parenting Jokes, Children's Humor:
http://www.4nursing.com/humor-parents-parenting-children-where-did-it-go.html

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Top Ten Signs That You Might Be A Frustrated Mom:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/frustrated

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Just Like Mom, Parenting Jokes, Relationship Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.about.children.the.patient.mother.htm

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The Patient Mother, Parenting Jokes, Kids Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.about.children.the.patient.mother.htm

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Special Occasions, Parenting Jokes, Children's Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.about.children.special.occasions.htm

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Coming Prepared, Pharmacist Jokes, Parenting Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/prepared

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Answers To Fifth Grade Science Exams, Children's Jokes, Parenting Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/answers

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Little Johnny Does Math, Childrens Jokes, Parenting Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parents.parenting.jokes.about.children.kids.little.johnny.does.math.htm

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A Grandmother's Insomnia, Doctor's Jokes, Pregnancy & Medications Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/insomnia

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The Adopted, Parenting Jokes, Adoption Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/adopted

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Generation Gap, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Parenting Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.generation.gap.htm

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Mom's Dictionary, Kids Jokes, Parenting Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.moms.dictionary.htm

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Property Laws According To Kids, Childrens Jokes, Parenting Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.childrens.jokes.property.laws.according.to.kids.htm

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Things My Mother Taught Me, Parenting Jokes, Motherhood Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.things.my.mother.taught.me.htm

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You Might Be A Mom If . . ., Parenting Jokes, Motherhood Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/mom

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See also:

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Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

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Saturday, April 23, 2011

Nursing Jokes, Medical Humor "A", A to Z Nursing Links, Alphabetical Nursing

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A Cure For One Man's Cough, Medical Jokes, Drug & Pharmacy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/cough/

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A Cure For One Man's Stuttering:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/cure

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A Dark and Stormy Night, Parenting Jokes, Childrens Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/stormy

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A Grandmother's Insomnia, Doctor's Jokes, Pregnancy & Medications Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/insomnia

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A "Plumbing" Problem. Medical Jokes, Patient Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/plumbing

This Link is located on our Medical Jokes, Patient Humor section http://www.nursinghumor.com

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A Really Serious Mistake, Doctor Jokes, Medical Humor:"During the course of being interviewed by the press, the noted famous doctor was asked by a reporter:"
http://www.nursinghumor.com/mistake

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A Routine Physical, Nursing Jokes, Medical Humor:"A man goes to a doctor for a routine physical. The nurse starts with the basics. "How much do you weigh?" she asks."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/physical

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A Small Prick, Bedside Nursing Jokes, Patient Humor:"About a week ago I broke my ankle (in three places) and was in the hospital for several days. My first night in the hospital, after having surgery to rejoin my bones with pins and plates and such, I was in a great deal of pain and quite immobile."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/prick

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A Woman's Random Thoughts, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Getting Older Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/random

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Able To Play? Operating Room Jokes, Medical Humor:"A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/play

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Activated Charcoal, Top Ten Uses for, EMS Jokes, Paramedic Humor:"10. Give 50mg PO to your overdose patient and watch them add a new Holstein motif to your truck. 9. Use as dress up makeup for Cinco de Mayo."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/charcoal

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The Adopted, Parenting Jokes, Adoption Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/adopted

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Al's Wedding-related jokes and one-liners:"This marriage jokes list started as just a collection of amusing (to me, at least) odds and ends which would catch my eye from time to time. This collection was born when I decided to focus on marriage/relationship/battle-of-the-sexes items. (You should see the items I left out!) With some creativity, many of the items on these pages could be worked into a wedding reception speech. Using some of them in speeches will require more creativity (or courage) than others. Sensitive souls may find some of the material rather raw."
http://alsmusic.com/jokes/

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Ambulances As Medical Necessities, Medical Jokes, Patient Humor:"These are all GENUINE replies from patients asked why they needed an ambulance to and from hospital..."
http://www.nursinghumor.com/ambulances

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An Apple A Day, Marriage Jokes, Health & Wellness Humor, Heallthy Living Cartoons, Wellness Comics
http://www.nursinghumor.com/apple/

Categories: Battle of the Sexes, http://www.nursinghumor.com/battle/
Cartoons and Comics (Nursing & Medical)http://www.nursinghumor.com/cartoons/
Divorce Jokes, Ending A Marriage Humor, http://www.nursinghumor.com/divorce
Geriatrics, Senior Citizen, Nursing Home Humor, http://www.nursinghumor.com/geriatrics
Growing Old Jokes, http://www.nursinghumor.com/growing/
Marriage, Matrimony, Wedding, http://www.nursinghumor.com/marriage

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Anal Deodorant, Pharmacy Jokes, Patient Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/deodorant

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Answers To Fifth Grade Science Exams, Children's Jokes, Parenting Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/answers

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Are You Insane? Psychiatric Jokes, Mental Health Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/insane

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Are You The Manager? Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Bartender Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/manager

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Assault (The), Law Enforcement Jokes, Police Humor:"One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate.
http://www.nursinghumor.com/assault

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Attitude Adjustment, Animal Jokes, Pet Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/attitude

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Auto Enthusiast, Surgeon Jokes, Medical Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/auto

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Welcome to NursingA2Z.com.

This website is owned, operated by Andrew & Melanie Lopez (RNs). It is our intent for this Alphabetical, A to Z index to be a comprehensive listing (In Progress) of Nursing-related resources on the Internet. It is indexed by Google and fully searchable. We'd ask that if you don't find what you are looking for, kindly contact us! If you are looking for a certain topic, it's likely you are not the only one. We will be adding to this index daily, be sure check back frequently.

If your website is not listed here, we encourage you to submit it: Add Your Website/URL, please note, you do not have to install the nursingtop10.com linking code, to be listed.

Please Choose from the following:

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http://nursefriendly.posterous.com

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Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

150,000 + Nurse-Reviewed & Approved Nursing Links

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Friday, April 1, 2011

Who Is The Father, Marriage Jokes, Gallows Humor

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A man lies on his deathbed surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children.

Three of the children are tall, good-looking, and athletic; but the fourth and the youngest is an ugly runt.

"Darling wife," The husband whispers, "assure me that the youngest child really is mine.

I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if..."

The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father."

The man dies, happy.

The wife mutters under her breath: "Thank God he didn't ask me about the other three!"

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Buying Condoms, Pharmacy Jokes, Infidelity Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/condoms

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A Woman Thirty Years Younger, Marriage Jokes, Battle of the Sexes Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/marriage.matrimony.wedding.jokes/a.woman.thirty.years.younger.htm

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Taking Turns, Dental Jokes, Geriatrics Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/dental.humor.dentist.jokes.taking.turns.htm

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Mating Bulls, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/battle.of.the.sexes.mating.bulls.htm

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Five Kinds of Sex, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/battle.of.the.sexes.five.kinds.of.sex.htm

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Airplane Ride, Marriage Jokes, Getting Older Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/marriage.matrimony.jokes.airplane.ride.htm

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Golfing Privileges, Golfing Jokes, Marriage Humor: http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/marriage.matrimony.jokes.golfing.privileges.htm

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The Witness, Marriage Jokes, Infidelity Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/marriage.matrimony.jokes.the.witness.htm

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The Good Samaritan, Drinking Jokes, Marriage Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/samaritan

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Twin Sisters, Being Married, Marriage Jokes, Divorce Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/marriage.matrimony.jokes.twin.sisters.htm

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Redneck Wedding Night, Marriage Jokes, Redneck Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/marriage.matrimony.jokes.redneck.wedding.night.htm

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4nursinguniforms.com

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http://nursingdiscussions.com

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Last updated by Andrew Lopez, RN on Wednesday, September 29, 2010


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Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

150,000 + Nurse-Reviewed & Approved Nursing Links

http://www.4nursing.com
http://www.legalnursingconsultant.com
http://www.nursinghumor.com
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http://www.nursingentrepreneurs.com
http://www.nursingexperts.com