Showing posts with label Sleeping Through the Night Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sleeping Through the Night Jokes. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Having Your First, Second, Third Child, Parenting Jokes, Motherhood Humor, 4Nursing.com, Nursing & Healthcare Resources

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Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

Your Clothes


1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

The Baby's Name

1st baby: You pour over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.

Preparing for the Birth

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette

1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Sleeping

1st baby: Sleeps in your bedroom for the first six - eight weeks
2nd baby: Sleeps in your bedroom for the first two weeks
3rd baby: Goes right from the hospital nursery into their own room

Baby Book

1st baby: You religiously make entries every day, carefully noting the number of spit-ups and bowel movements for the first year
2nd baby: You enter a few facts each week but stop after 6 months
3rd baby: You buy the book but enter the child's name, birth weight, and length on the first page

Diapering

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing a coin

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When 2nd child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for coin to pass.
3rd child: When 3rd child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!

Pass this on to everyone you know who has children...or everyone who KNOWS someone who has had children... (the older the mother, the funnier this is!)

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Where Did It Go? Parenting Jokes, Children's Humor:
http://www.4nursing.com/humor-parents-parenting-children-where-did-it-go.html

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Top Ten Signs That You Might Be A Frustrated Mom:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/frustrated

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Just Like Mom, Parenting Jokes, Relationship Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.about.children.the.patient.mother.htm

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The Patient Mother, Parenting Jokes, Kids Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.about.children.the.patient.mother.htm

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Special Occasions, Parenting Jokes, Children's Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.about.children.special.occasions.htm

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Coming Prepared, Pharmacist Jokes, Parenting Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/prepared

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Answers To Fifth Grade Science Exams, Children's Jokes, Parenting Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/answers

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Little Johnny Does Math, Childrens Jokes, Parenting Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parents.parenting.jokes.about.children.kids.little.johnny.does.math.htm

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A Grandmother's Insomnia, Doctor's Jokes, Pregnancy & Medications Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/insomnia

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The Adopted, Parenting Jokes, Adoption Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/adopted

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Generation Gap, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Parenting Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.generation.gap.htm

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Mom's Dictionary, Kids Jokes, Parenting Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.moms.dictionary.htm

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Property Laws According To Kids, Childrens Jokes, Parenting Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.childrens.jokes.property.laws.according.to.kids.htm

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Things My Mother Taught Me, Parenting Jokes, Motherhood Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.things.my.mother.taught.me.htm

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You Might Be A Mom If . . ., Parenting Jokes, Motherhood Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/mom

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See also:

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