Showing posts with label Marriage Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage Jokes. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Having Your First, Second, Third Child, Parenting Jokes, Motherhood Humor, 4Nursing.com, Nursing & Healthcare Resources

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Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

Your Clothes


1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

The Baby's Name

1st baby: You pour over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.

Preparing for the Birth

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette

1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Sleeping

1st baby: Sleeps in your bedroom for the first six - eight weeks
2nd baby: Sleeps in your bedroom for the first two weeks
3rd baby: Goes right from the hospital nursery into their own room

Baby Book

1st baby: You religiously make entries every day, carefully noting the number of spit-ups and bowel movements for the first year
2nd baby: You enter a few facts each week but stop after 6 months
3rd baby: You buy the book but enter the child's name, birth weight, and length on the first page

Diapering

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing a coin

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When 2nd child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for coin to pass.
3rd child: When 3rd child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!

Pass this on to everyone you know who has children...or everyone who KNOWS someone who has had children... (the older the mother, the funnier this is!)

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Where Did It Go? Parenting Jokes, Children's Humor:
http://www.4nursing.com/humor-parents-parenting-children-where-did-it-go.html

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Top Ten Signs That You Might Be A Frustrated Mom:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/frustrated

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Just Like Mom, Parenting Jokes, Relationship Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.about.children.the.patient.mother.htm

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The Patient Mother, Parenting Jokes, Kids Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.about.children.the.patient.mother.htm

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Special Occasions, Parenting Jokes, Children's Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.about.children.special.occasions.htm

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Coming Prepared, Pharmacist Jokes, Parenting Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/prepared

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Answers To Fifth Grade Science Exams, Children's Jokes, Parenting Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/answers

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Little Johnny Does Math, Childrens Jokes, Parenting Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parents.parenting.jokes.about.children.kids.little.johnny.does.math.htm

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A Grandmother's Insomnia, Doctor's Jokes, Pregnancy & Medications Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/insomnia

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The Adopted, Parenting Jokes, Adoption Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/adopted

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Generation Gap, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Parenting Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.generation.gap.htm

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Mom's Dictionary, Kids Jokes, Parenting Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.moms.dictionary.htm

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Property Laws According To Kids, Childrens Jokes, Parenting Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.childrens.jokes.property.laws.according.to.kids.htm

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Things My Mother Taught Me, Parenting Jokes, Motherhood Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.things.my.mother.taught.me.htm

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You Might Be A Mom If . . ., Parenting Jokes, Motherhood Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/mom

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Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
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Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Wedding Registry, Pharmacy Jokes, Senior Citizen Humor


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Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, aged 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drug store. Jacob suggests they go in.

He addresses the pharmacist, "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medication for rheumatism, scoliosis?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely"

Jacob: "How about Viagra?" Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, agarol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob says to the pharmacist: "We'd like to register for our wedding gifts here please.

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4nursinguniforms.com

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http://nursingdiscussions.com

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Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

150,000 + Nurse-Reviewed & Approved Nursing Links

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Friday, April 1, 2011

Who Is The Father, Marriage Jokes, Gallows Humor

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A man lies on his deathbed surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children.

Three of the children are tall, good-looking, and athletic; but the fourth and the youngest is an ugly runt.

"Darling wife," The husband whispers, "assure me that the youngest child really is mine.

I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if..."

The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father."

The man dies, happy.

The wife mutters under her breath: "Thank God he didn't ask me about the other three!"

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Buying Condoms, Pharmacy Jokes, Infidelity Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/condoms

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A Woman Thirty Years Younger, Marriage Jokes, Battle of the Sexes Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/marriage.matrimony.wedding.jokes/a.woman.thirty.years.younger.htm

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Taking Turns, Dental Jokes, Geriatrics Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/dental.humor.dentist.jokes.taking.turns.htm

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Mating Bulls, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/battle.of.the.sexes.mating.bulls.htm

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Five Kinds of Sex, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/battle.of.the.sexes.five.kinds.of.sex.htm

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Airplane Ride, Marriage Jokes, Getting Older Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/marriage.matrimony.jokes.airplane.ride.htm

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Golfing Privileges, Golfing Jokes, Marriage Humor: http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/marriage.matrimony.jokes.golfing.privileges.htm

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The Witness, Marriage Jokes, Infidelity Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/marriage.matrimony.jokes.the.witness.htm

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The Good Samaritan, Drinking Jokes, Marriage Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/samaritan

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Twin Sisters, Being Married, Marriage Jokes, Divorce Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/marriage.matrimony.jokes.twin.sisters.htm

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Redneck Wedding Night, Marriage Jokes, Redneck Humor:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/marriage.matrimony.jokes.redneck.wedding.night.htm

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If your website is not listed here, we encourage you to submit it: Add Your Website/URL.

See also:

Nursing Topics, A to Z:

Nursing Degrees, LPN-RN, RN-BSN, RN-MSN, Online/Offline College, University and more!:"Higher income. Career mobility. Now, no matter where you live or what your schedule, you can earn your Associate or Bachelor Degree to take your professional life to the next level — without putting the rest of your life on hold!"

If you do any Browsing or Windowshopping online, please visit our online Mall:
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Gifts For Nurses:
http://www.nursefriendly.com/gifts/

4nursinguniforms.com:"Choose from Top Nursing Uniform Companies. All sizes, styles and popular name brands available. Large selection of accessories as well: Accessories Blood Pressure Cuffs, Sphygnomanometers Nursing Tote Bags, Carry-Ons, Medical Bags Clinical, Medical Supplies, Nurses Discount Outlet: Angels, Books, Clothing , Equipment, Figurines, Holidays, Home Decor, Jewelry, Nurses, Office Decor, Scrubs, Shoes, T-Shirts Footwear, Shoes, Sandals, Discount, Bargains Gifts For Nurses (Nurses Week) Hosiery, Socks, Stockings Hats, Jackets, Jumpers Jewelry, Earrings, Necklaces, Watches Luxury Spas, Facials, Manicures, Pedicures Perfumes, Fragrances, Phermones Shoes, Boots, Sandals, Footwear, High Heels, Slippers Stethescopes, Nurse Kits, Replacement Parts Swimwear (Tan-Through) Women's Lingerie "
4nursinguniforms.com

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Nursing Chat, Nurse Discussion Forums:
http://nursingdiscussions.com

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http://www.nursefriendly.com/nursing/humor/marriage.matrimony.jokes.who.is.th...

Last updated by Andrew Lopez, RN on Wednesday, September 29, 2010


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******************************************************

Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
http://www.nursefriendly.com info@nursefriendly.com ICQ #6116137
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

150,000 + Nurse-Reviewed & Approved Nursing Links

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Saturday, February 26, 2011

Why Cats Are Better Than Men, Battles of The Sexes Jokes, Cat-Pet Humor, 4Nursing.com, Nursing & Healthcare Resources

A CAT always hits the litter box.

Better chance of training a CAT.

No matter what your CAT drags into your house, you don't have to pretend you like it.

You never have to spend time with your CAT's mother.

If you ask enough times, a CAT may actually listen to you.

A CAT purrs when you serve him dinner.

You can de-claw a CAT... try to get a guy to clip his toenails.

It's okay if a CAT rubs up against your best friend.

You don't have to worry about your CAT turning into a pig when you host a party.

A CAT knows you're the key to his happiness... a man thinks he is.

If a CAT jumps into your lap, a little light petting will satisfy him.

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25 Year Old Breasts, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor:
http://www.4nursing.com/humor-battle-of-the-sexes-25-year-old-breasts.html

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Top Ten Reasons Why God Created Eve, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Top Ten Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/created

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17 Ways To Be A WOMAN.... From A Somewhat Bitter Man, Battle of The Sexes:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/

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The Perfect Man, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/battle.of.the.sexes.a.divorced.perfect.man.htm

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Name Calling, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/battle.of.the.sexes.name.calling.htm

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A Real Lady, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Infidelity Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/lady

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A Woman Thirty Years Younger, Marriage Jokes, Battle of the Sexes Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/marriage.matrimony.wedding.jokes/a.woman.thirty.years.younger.htm

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Mating Bulls, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/battle.of.the.sexes.mating.bulls.htm

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Five Kinds of Sex, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/battle.of.the.sexes.five.kinds.of.sex.htm

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Men Are Like . . ., Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/battle.of.the.sexes.men.are.like.htm

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Following Orders, Battle of the Sexes Jokes, Gallows Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/gallows.dark.following.orders.htm

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Top Fourteen Things PMS Stands For, Top Ten Jokes, Battle of The Sexes Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/pms

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The Escapee, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/battle.of.the.sexes.the.escapee.htm

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Why Pumpkins Are Better Than Men, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/battle.of.the.sexes.why.pumpkins.are.better.than.men.htm

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The Blind Date, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Geriatrics Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/battle_of_the_sexes.the.blind.date.htm

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The New Girlfriend, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/battle.of.the.sexes.the.new.girlfriend.htm

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Pros of Being A Woman, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/battle.of.the.sexes.the.pros.of.being.a.woman.htm

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If You Love It, Set It Free, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/battle.of.the.sexes.if.you.love.it.set.it.free.htm

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A Divorced Woman's Perfect Breakfast, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Divorce Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/battle.of.the.sexes.a.divorced.womans.perfect.breakfast.htm

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How To Impress, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/battle.of.the.sexes.how.to.impress.htm

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Great Female Comebacks, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/

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His and Her Road Trip, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/battle/

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Generation Gap, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Parenting Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/parenting.parents.jokes.generation.gap.htm

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And You Wonder "Why" It Didn't Last, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Divorce Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/battle.of.the.sexes.and.you.wonder.why.it.didnt.last.htm

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Because I'm A Guy, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/battle.of.the.sexes.because.im.a.guy.htm

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The Gentleman On The Bus, Battle of The Sexes Jokes & Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/gentleman

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If Men Got Pregnant, Battle Of The Sexes Jokes, Pregnancy Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/pregnant

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A Man, His Wife, and The Cop, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/marriage.matrimony.wedding.jokes/a.man.his.wife.and.a.cop.htm

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If Men Wrote The Rules, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/battle_of_the_sexes/if.men.wrote.the.rules.htm

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What Women Know About Men, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/battle_of_the_sexes/what.women.know.about.men.htm

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All Wives Are Alike, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/battle_of_the_sexes/all.wives.are.alike.htm

******************************************************

A Woman Thirty Years Younger, Marriage Jokes, Battle of the Sexes Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/humor/marriage.matrimony.wedding.jokes/a.woman.thirty.years.younger.htm

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Radar, Battle of The Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/battle_of_the_sexes/radar.htm

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Definitely Warm, Battle of the Sexes Jokes, Relationship Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/battle_of_the_sexes/definitely.warm.htm

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Suspicions, Battle of the Sexes Jokes, Marriage Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/marriage.matrimony.wedding.jokes/suspicions.htm

******************************************************

I Just Want You To Hold Me Tonight
http://www.nursinghumor.com/battle_of_the_sexes/i.just.want.you.to.hold.me.htm

******************************************************

A Dictionary of Dating
http://www.nursinghumor.com/battle_of_the_sexes/a.dictionary.of.dating.htm

******************************************************

Translating Men, What They Say & What They Really Mean:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/translating

******************************************************

I am glad I am a man, I am glad I am a woman:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/battle_of_the_sexes/i_am_glad_i_am_a_man_i_am_gla...

******************************************************

Male Bashing:
http://www.nursinghumor.com/battle_of_the_sexes/male.bashing.htm

******************************************************

Two Gifts For Adam & Eve, Battle of The Sexes, Nursing & Medical Jokes & Humor
http://www.nursinghumor.com/battle_of_the_sexes/two.gifts.for.adam.and.eve.htm

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Why Men Can't Win
http://www.nursinghumor.com/battle_of_the_sexes/why.men.cant.win.htm

******************************************************

Why We Appreciate Men, A Woman's Perspective
http://www.nursinghumor.com/battle_of_the_sexes/why_we_appreciate_men,_a_woman's_perspective.htm

******************************************************

Viagra Funnies
http://www.nursinghumor.com/drugs.medications/viagra.jokes.humor.htm

******************************************************

See also:

******************************************************
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http://nursingentrepreneurs.ning.com/

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http://www.nursefriendly.com/stumbleupon
******************************************************

Sincerely,

Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051
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