Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Docisms, What They Say & What They Really Mean, Medical Jokes & Nursing Humor

To subscribe send a blank email to:

To read our newest, visit

Docisms, What They Say & What They Really Mean, Medical Jokes & Nursing Humor


What doctors say & What they mean

This should be taken care of right away
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself

Welllllll, what have we here...?
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue

Let me check your medical history
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you

Why don't we make another appointment later in the week
I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time.
I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.

We have some good news and some bad news

The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW.
The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.

Let's see how it develops
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured

Let me schedule you for some tests
I have a forty percent interest in the lab

I'd like to have my associate look at you
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle

I'd like to prescribe a new drug
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig

If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call
I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

That's quite a nasty looking wound
I think I'm going to throw up

This may smart a little
Last week two patients bit off their tongues

Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?
I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?

This should fix you up
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff

Everything seems to be normal Rats!
I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

I'd like to run some more tests
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?
You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink who'll split fees with me ...

There is a lot of that going around
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.

If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment
I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week.
More Medical Humor,

A "Plumbing" Problem. Medical Jokes, Patient Humor:


A Really Serious Mistake, Doctor Jokes, Medical Humor:"During the course of being interviewed by the press, the noted famous doctor was asked by a reporter:"


A Routine Physical, Nursing Jokes, Medical Humor:"A man goes to a doctor for a routine physical. The nurse starts with the basics. "How much do you weigh?" she asks."


Able To Play? Operating Room Jokes, Medical Humor:"A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands."


Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged:


Contraceptive Jelly, Birth Control Jokes, Patient Education Humor:"A young girl is getting married, so she goes to her doctor to find out which contraceptive she should use. After a lengthy discussion with him she decides on the diaphragm."


Cost of A Screw, Medical Jokes, Operating Room, Surgical Humor:"A well known rich businessman's wife broke her hip. The businessman got the best bone surgeon in town to do the operation. The operation consisted of lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it."


Do You Have A Dentist Appointment Tomorrow Too?


Doctor's Fee, Medical Jokes, Patient Humor:"An elderly man has just moved to a new town, when he is taken ill and decides that he needs to see a doctor. In the doctor's waiting room, he tries to find out a bit about the doctor. He asks the man sitting next to him if the doctor is a specialist."


Eating Ants, Emergency Room Jokes, Medical Humor:"A medical student was doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. One day, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants."



Andrew Lopez, RN
Nursefriendly, Inc. A New Jersey Corporation.
38 Tattersall Drive, Mantua New Jersey 08051 ICQ #6116137, AOL “nursefriendly”
856-415-9617, (fax) 415-9618

150,000 + Nurse-Reviewed & Approved Nursing Links

No comments: